We Can Try
by Feathersmoke
Summary: AU: Non-magical Jily fic. Everyone has secrets - the new boy who lives up the hill, the girl living in the quaint cottage. The boy with the limp and the other with scars. The old man who sees everything from afar and understands. Nothing is certain and everything is to gain. In this sleepy hamlet town, where everything is shrouded in whispers, they can only try.
1. A whiff of manure

**Author's note: This is my first story and recognise it may be a little rough. This first chapter is very short but other chapters may be longer. Thank you for reading.**

* * *

 **A whiff of manure**

"Well this place looks shite."

"James!" his father scolded. "Don't use such language in front of your mother!"

James noted that he was not told off for insulting the place, because really - it was shite.

A perfectly ordinary hamlet, with a large village green surrounded by houses and a whiff of manure in the air. The cars were old-fashioned and James doubted anyone had their own telephone.

As they drove through the town, they drove up the hill, where the houses suddenly became a little more austere. Soon, they stopped in front of a four-story with a 'large garden and scenic views of the countryside' - according to the estate agent.

It was a nice house. That much was true.

Yet judging from the bulging eye staring at them through some lace curtains in the house next door, they were not particularly welcome.

The house next door was dark. Foreboding. It gave off an air of unfriendliness. The plaque on the side of the door proclaiming it "Black House", was certainly accurate.

James helped his father shift his bags and he soon was inside the spacious entryway greeted them, with a staircase sweeping upwards. There was a garage under the stairs leading up to the house and he knew his father would already be investigating it.

His mother - with an air of fragility - leaned heavily on the railings as she made her way up. "Country air…" she wheezed, "the doctor said it would be better than all that London… Smog…."

He had heard it a dozen times before - the hope that this mysterious illness would disappear with 'country air'. Ridiculous. As it was, here they were, in the village of Friestan. There was a pub, a tea shop, a few other shops, a school, a village green, a church, a village hall and a bus stop.

After the hustle and bustle of London, this practically undiscovered part of Surrey was a different world.

It wasn't long until James made the decision to explore. It wouldn't take long, he reasoned, and maybe he'd meet someone younger than 50.

"BYE MUM!"

"What? James wher-"

But the door slammed and Euphemia Potter only had time to see her son sauntering down the road, flicking up the collar of his navy bomber jacket. It was time to see what this place had to offer him.

* * *

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._

"Lily? What on earth are you doing?"

"Hitting my head against my desk."

"Please stop, dear. You'll give yourself a headache."

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._

"Alright dear. I'll make us some tea."

Lily Evans lifted her now aching head and dared to peek out the window. On the other side of the green, a shiny and out-of-place car was speeding past and she could see Mrs Doyle sitting on a bench with Mrs Sprout. Yet this was not what she was interested in – she was more interested (or perhaps irritated) with the very handsome boy with chin length hair, wearing a leather jacket and ear piercings visible, who was sitting on the fence in front of the house.

Absolute bugger.

Never again would she drink. Never again would she smoke. Never again would she go to one of the Prewetts' parties – if only she could have a blank slate and forget she ever got off with Sirius Black.

She pulled her body from her chair and went down the rickety staircase. Her mother was peering through the window whilst Lily slunk past to avoid being seen by anyone outside.

"That's that Black boy isn't it? Thought our lot were beneath them."

"Is that my tea?"

"Mmm. Do you know why he could be here?"

"No. Now come sit down and drink your tea."

She left the window and sat down with her disheveled looking daughter. Jane Evans was no fool – she had a very good idea of why her daughter looked so rough and a very good idea of why one of the Blacks were sitting on her fence. However, she simply pursed her lips and sipped her tea. Best not to interfere.

* * *

As James sauntered into the village his eyes were immediately drawn to a boy around his own age sitting on a fence, staring at an upper window of a quaint cottage. Sickeningly quaint – were the roses and honeysuckle actually necessary?

The boy was whistling "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Steward to himself and James immediately winced.

"Alright then? You some kind of wannabe rocker?"

Sirius Black jerked around and glared viciously at the tall boy smirking at him. "Are you a professional wanker then? Figures. I'll have you know I'm a better bloody rocker than a lot of people."

"Because there's _such_ a culture for it here."

"You shut up. Don't you know Mod culture is dead?"

"Ah. Obviously being _so_ sheltered here means you've not heard of the mod revival."

"Prick."

"Bastard"

"Twat."

"Tosser."

The two glared at each other for a minute before James smirked and stuck out his hand. "James Potter. I'm from London but now I'm stuck in this shithole. You?"

The other boy smirked and then grabbed his hand. "Sirius Black. Disgraced son. Live up the hill. Yes – you are correct, this is a shithole but it's not all bad. For example: at this house lives the very gorgeous Lily Evans who I got off with last night."

"Really? How hot is she?"

"Full on sexy. Long red hair and a body to die for."

"Shame. I don't really go for redheads."

* * *

Lily was still peering out the window – but now she was doing it curiously. The aforementioned bugger was still there but had been joined by someone she had never seen before. His hair was completely unruly, he had on a stylish and expensive looking jacket and glasses that somehow managed to suit him. As she peeked, his eyes suddenly flashed up to the window and she bolted down to the floor – had they seen her?

The echoing laughter told her yes.

Christ she hated boys. She REALLY hated them. It was about time she became a nun.

* * *

When they'd finished laughing, James recovered enough to ask why she had hidden.

"'Cos. She got off with me last night and she absolutely hates me. "

"Ah, right."

With that, the two boys walked off as Sirius began to show his newfound friend the highlights of his new abode.

"Everyone snogs there – if you haven't snogged someone there, you're a twat."

"They host dances in the village hall – never notice when you spike the punch."

"Dorcas Meadowes lives here – she's fit."

"Alice Prewett – got two older brothers who are twins. May murder anyone who tries to date her. Throw great parties though."

"That's school. It's shite. Hogsden Academy for absolute pillocks. Headmaster's alright. Absolutely barking though."

* * *

"I can't believe you got off with Sirius Black!"

"For god's sake Dorcas – just SHUT UP!"

Dorcas pursed her lips and tossed her blonde curls over her shoulder. "There's no need to be mean," she said reproachfully, widening her big brown eyes, "lots of people have got off with Sirius Black. Not many of them were perfect Lily Evans – but what can you do sweetie? I blame the cider. You don't realise you're getting drunk until BAM! You've got the worst hangover and Sirius Black hanging outside your house."

Lily groaned into her pillow.

Dorcas bit her lip and then leaned down next to her to whisper: "Have you heard from _him_?"

Lily sighed and removed her face from the pillow. "No." she whispered, "Not a bloody thing."

"Oh god Lily. What an ARSE. What are you going to do?"

Lily shrugged. "He's not my problem anymore. He made his bed. Let him lie in it."

* * *

Soon it got late and James admitted he should go home. On mentioning he lived up the hill, it was to his delight he found out Sirius did too. Soon they trudged up the hill and found themselves standing side by side, staring up at the neighbouring houses.

"Fancy that."

"Black. Black House. Makes sense."

"Look at you – a right Sherlock." Sirius snorted at his own joke, ignoring the frown James sent his way. His smile soon faded. "I'll see you tomorrow? Promise?"

The sudden vulnerability of the questions made James turn in surprise and nod. Sirius was looking up at the house with a sort of grim determination. Bracing his shoulders, he climbed up the stairs and slipped inside the house.

James stayed for a few minutes more, hearing a woman shout in anger, then silence.

Slowly he headed up his own stairs, watching as the front light next door was turned off and as the curtains twitched shut.

Bloody hell. He was glad that he wasn't Sirius – and wished he knew why sitting on some girl's fence all day had seemed a better option than going home. Shaking the thoughts away, he opened the door and went to check on his parents. His mother was dozing gently and his father was reading a book in an armchair. There were boxes everywhere. A pang of guilt went through him – he'd been selfish today. Not that they'd tell him off. There were no arguments in the Potter house, it was like his parents were unable to.

Secrets coated the walls of this house and this village. They lurked in the dark of next door, behind the closed doors of the shops and in the thorns underneath the roses on the little cottage on the green. James found himself thinking of this cottage – of the flash of red hair he'd seen.  
Redheads still weren't his type – but there were always exceptions to the rule.


	2. Churchyard Disputes

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except this** **story line**

 **Churchyard Disputes**

Practically none of the teenagers in Friestan were religious – not that it mattered to the adults. So, every Sunday they all marched to church in smart clothes and sang hymns with the rest. In many places, church was probably a profound experience. Not in Friestan. It was an opportunity for people to judge and gossip about everything, from whether they started snoring during the sermon, to what kind of hat they were wearing and if their children attended.

Mrs Evans wasn't the sort to be gossiped about – so she had her best hat and clothes on, she sat up straight and listened attentively and took ALL her family with her. Mr Evans was there in a suit, Petunia was perfectly turned out in pink clothing and Lily was sitting in a ladylike way in her smartest dress in their usual pew.

There was more gossiping than usual as the gossips had more to gossip about, chiefly: the Potters.

Would they turn up? Would they dress smartly? Would the son – already making a name for himself as a troublemaker – come too?

Their questions were soon answered when Mr Potter came in with a grim look on his face, Mrs Potter supported on his arm and a bored looking young man trudging in behind them. They slid into the empty pew half way down the church and ignored the curious stares sent their way. James sighed in defeat and slunk down in his seat until he noticed his mother glaring at him and soon straightened up. He ran his hands through his hair so that it stuck up in several directions, then realised that a very pretty redhead, sitting on a pew closer to the front on the other side, had twisted round slightly to ogle him.

Instantly, he sat up straighter and shot her a lazy smile.

Her shoulders stiffened and she turned around hastily to listen to tiny Father Wick's sermon.

James chuckled quietly to himself and then proceeded to stare into space.

Or more accurately: the back of Lily Evans' head.

* * *

"Wasn't that lovely? James, don't you think that was lovely?"

"Yes, mother."

"James? Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, mother."

Of course, James was not paying attention. His attention was focused on finding the familiar head that he had spent so much time with in the last week. At last, he found Sirius standing with a lot of haughtily dressed people – several uncommonly pretty girls among them – who all looked as if they wished to be anywhere else.

James immediately made for them, but stopped when Sirius caught his eye and shook his head subtly. Then, Sirius turned to a younger boy next to him he looked very similar to him.

"Those Blacks I tell you – a right haughty lot. Such airs and graces!"

"Don't forget those awful names. Who names their children after _stars_?"

James turned to see a very stout looking woman talking to a very thin one. Lurking behind the thin woman was a boy with dark shadows around his eyes and an ill-fitting jacket. James strode towards him and stuck out his hand.

"Hello. James Potter."

The boy regarded his hand warily and then proceeded to shake it delicately.

"Remus Lupin." He said with an air of terror, as if he expected James to run away.

Remus Lupin was clearly underweight and seemed exceptionally skittish – as if he was unused to sunlight. James noticed many of the townspeople sending him odd looks, as if it was a rare occurrence to see him.

"You're not new too, are you?"

"No. I've lived here all my life." There was a definite sense of finality and sadness in the boy's tone. Immediately James felt on his guard, but also strangely protective of the bizarre boy he was talking to.

"Remus!"

James turned to see the beauteous and infamous Lily Evans jogging towards him and his companion. Her eyes flashed to his face and she then turned away and thoroughly ignored him.

"Remus I'm so glad you're here, can you come for tea?" she clutched his sleeve and he looked at her with a small smile.

"Thank you, Lily, I'd love to but I-"

Whatever he had been about to say, they would never know, for the thin woman called his name and he turned around quickly.

"I've got to go. Thanks anyway Lils, and it was nice meeting you James." With that he slowly limped over to the woman, who ushered him away.

James raised his hand in goodbye, then turned to the girl chewing her lip next to him.

"Your boyfriend?"

Immediately her beautiful eyes flashed up to his in annoyance. "No – he's my friend actually. Who are you anyway?" she asked, knowing perfectly well who he was.

"Potter, James Potter." She rolled her eyes and huffed out a sigh. He continued, "and you're Lily Evans, who Sirius got off with."

Her eyes widened in shock and she looked at him with pure hatred, for he had not said it quietly and the stout woman was still standing nearby.

"How _bloody_ dare you!" she hissed, "I don't even know you! The bloody cheek. If you _ever_ mention that again, I will wallop you!"

James tsked. "Swearing in a churchyard, getting off with strange blokes – whatever next? And you looked like such a good girl at first."

Clearly, the Potter charm became too much for her as she flounced off towards a group of teenage girls. Some hurried whispers later, he had two glaring at him, one eyeing him and another giggling at him. Perhaps Friestan wasn't as bad as he thought.

* * *

"You should have seen how he was smirking, Mary!"

Mary Macdonald nodded and sighed. "Yes Lily – he sounds dreadful. Now can we talk about something else? Like… School! It starts tomorrow."

"No-one wants to talk about school!" called Marlene McKinnon – who was lying with her legs propped against the wall and her head lolling over the bed whilst Dorcas plaited strands of Marlene's hair, whose head rested on Dorcas' shoulder.

"I DO." Mary threw a pillow at the other two, hitting Lily in the face instead.

"MARY!" came the undisputed call from all three girls in the room.

"What's Mary done?" Alice came into the room with a tray of biscuits and tea, seeing her friends all glaring at the culprit.

"She's just bloody annoying."

"Talking about school, throwing pillows."

"Sounds like a right hell raiser."

"Shut up, Alice."

To anyone unaccustomed to how the girls spoke, this could have all seemed rather argumentative – yet to them it was an easy routine of banter and sarcasm. All in all, the five girl were best friends – having known each other all their lives, it was hard not to be. Older girls like Emmaline Vance, Molly Prewett (Alice's cousin) and Hestia Jones were all friendly with them, but still off their radar.

In truth – they had banded together out of necessity and were all fairly unique to one another, yet still relied on each other wholeheartedly.

However – they had differing opinions on the pressing matter of James Potter and some were more incensed by it than others. Dorcas thought he looked hot, but too preppy. Mary didn't care. Marlene thought he looked sporty and would cause trouble. Alice thought they were judging him too quickly. Lily hated him passionately.

Unaccustomed to hating anyone, she got more angry every time she thought about their conversation. "He was talking to Remus."

"Loopy Remus was there?"

"MARLENE!"

"Marly, you shouldn't say such things."

"Anyway," Lily continued, "He was talking to Remus. I think he's going to corrupt him. Him and…you know, they're going to make poor Remus get in trouble. Who knows? Maybe they'll form a gang with Frank and your brothers, Alice!"

"Oh Lily, do shut up." Marlene wailed, "You're overthinking everything, they're hardly going to form a gang in _Friestan_ and if you can't even say Sirius' name, how are you going to face him at school tomorrow?"

"I won't. I'll run away and hide in the loos."

"Very mature."

* * *

James was unaccustomed to the amount of gossip that was flying around the little churchyard. His parents had stood to the side of it all awkwardly, until his father had lead his mother to the car and gestured for him to follow.

As they left, he saw a boy with a look of extreme loneliness and fear on his face. He stayed very close to the stout woman he had seen earlier. No-one approached him – instead he stared sadly at the other groups of teenagers – particularly at a group of handsome and haughty looking boys in dark clothing. The boy was very short, blond and covered in acne. His eyes were either small or squinting and he looked at his feet and bit his lip often.

A pang of pity fled through James – so he resolved to himself to find out the boy's name, maybe Sirius would know?

His mother leant her head back on seat of the car and closed her eyes. She got tired very easily now – talking to people often tired her out more than exercise these days.

They soon returned to the uneasy quiet of the house and James hurried to the relative safety of his room. He had yet to unpack, but he already found himself liking the red walls and off-gold of the windowsills. He had a fireplace with a lion head carved in it and his room was on the top floor of the house, meaning it was a sanctuary for him. And he had a bathroom to himself.

James threw himself on his bed and let out a heavy sigh. Friestan _was_ shite. To be honest, he missed London. He missed his mates, his school, he especially missed having more than four options of what to do in his free time.  
Not only that, but school was starting tomorrow. He was awful at school. Not that he wasn't bright, lord knows how many reports his parents got calling him "bright", "full of potential" but also "a troublemaker" and once (by Mr Flamel, who had hated him with a passion) a "right pain up the arse". Ah, nothing like school.

Tomorrow, he had to meet the rest of his peers and first thing he had a meeting with the headmaster "Albus Dumbledore". What a stupid name. Sirius was right – no one sane could be called _Dumbledore._

* * *

"For heaven's sake, Mr Black, is it necessary to smoke a cigarette _all the time?_ "

"Miss Meadowes: I do believe your skirt seems to be missing a few inches."

"Mr Avery, if I see you do….THAT one more time!"

Minerva McGonagall was not a woman to be trifled with. Even the hardiest student bent to her authority and few questioned her. A maths teacher, head of 'Lion' house and deputy head of the whole school, there were not many teachers more feared than her. No matter how subtly you did it, she could catch anyone chewing gum. Passing notes? Forget it! And not forgetting, the number of detentions given to those fornicating in the corridors!

No, Minerva McGonagall was made of stern stuff. Yet even she, was not prepared for James Potter's first day in school.

It started quietly. He walked into town with Sirius (who he soon discovered to be a dog magnet) and by the time he got to school, was laughing with him – albeit covered in canine hair.  
Then, he headed to the headmaster's office, leaving Sirius to smoke his fag outside the building. On arriving at the headmaster's office he soon discovered it to be inhabited by a very old, very odd man. Albus Dumbledore in the flesh was a sight to be seen. His purple suit and long beard did not look like it endeared him to the locals; nor would his rather lackadaisical smile, James imagined.

James soon discovered the headmaster was definitely aware James was a troublemaker and seemed to take a rather passive view of the whole situation:

"Now the way I see it," he said, offering him a sherbet lemon that James politely declined, "Is that you've messed around before because it was more comfortable to you than learning. Indeed, I should think for one such as yourself, learning has seemed quite a waste of time."

James was taken aback, where were the warnings, the rules?

"However, at Hogsden we do get a great mix of people. Some are gifted and some are not. Some are brave and some are not. Some are kind and some are ambitious – no one is perfect and we do not ask that of our students. What we do ask is for respect, honest and hard work and for our students to **try**."

At this, the old man's gaze wandered to the open window, which faced a field and a woodland beyond. He peered over his half-moon spectacles at the students straggling along, the birds flitting to and fro and at the flowers and grasses, lazily undulating in the breeze. James also peered curiously but saw nothing of great interest. When the old man eventually spoke again, his voice was quieter and more thoughtful.

"After all, if we do not try, what are we?"

* * *

Soon afterwards, he was allocated to be in 'Lion' house (why on earth was it called Lion house?) and shown to form 7L. His home for the rest of the year, as part of the Upper Sixth. Inside, it was to his joy that he found Sirius and Remus to be in his form, as well as the small boy he had seen the day before. As well as them, there was a boy with dark hair and another with a good-natured face who appeared to be friends. There was a great divide in the classroom, for on the other side were a number of pretty girls, including the delightful Lily Evans. She was surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls, with the exception of one who seemed rather bored and was playing with a cigarette wistfully.

Sirius saw him and jumped over the table, whooping. "Nice one, mate! Did you charm old Minnie?"

"Who?"

"McGonagall. She pretends to hate everyone but she's got a soft spot for her house and particularly her form. That's us by the way. We get the head of house cos we're the oldest."

"Nah," James shrugged and glanced at the door, "all I met was the headmaster, who you were right about. Bloody barmy. Kept talking about 'trying my best' or some shite."

"I'll have you know," piped up a vitriolic voice from the other side of the room, "that Dumbledore is a brilliant headmaster and he even went to Cambridge! They wanted him to work in government but he specialised in education."

James smirked. "Oh joy, you're here," Lily Evans blushed scarlet, "To be honest, I don't care, Petal. If he turned down a load of money to work in this shithole, than he must be barmy."

"Indeed Mr. Potter?" James' blood run cold as he swivelled to see a thin, severe looking woman holding a pile of folders under one arm. "Perhaps you'd like to elaborate in detention after school? Excellent. I'm Ms. McGonagall, by the way. Your teacher?"

Bloody, buggering, bugger. He hated girls.

* * *

Lily hated boys. As soon as he walked through the door she was acutely aware of his presence. Even more proof that he was her enemy, she thought. She eyed him closely as he bantered with Black, drawing the attention of everyone – even Benjy and Frank who were never bothered by anything, Remus who was looking around curiously and tiny Peter who was gazing at him with awe.

Awe of what? He wasn't very good looking. And his hair was so messy. And she bet he never worked in lessons.  
By the time he began insulting Dumbledore, she was through. Much to the amusement of Marlene, she raised her voice and joined in.

His vulgar response confirmed her suspicions of him but her delight knew no bounds when McGonagall entered the room unbeknownst to Mr. Prickhead.

Oh, revenge was sweet. Moreover, he and Black were split up and he was moved next to – no, not next to Remus! For goodness sake! Didn't McGonagall realise he would corrupt him?!

No matter. This was a new year, they were doing their A-Levels in 8 months and she could afford no distractions!

Alice soon distracted everyone by falling off her chair (to her great embarrassment) and she watched in amusement as Alice scrambled to collect her dignity.

Meanwhile, Mary's cigarette was confiscated.

* * *

The first hour was filled with information about new school rules ("No more racket sports allowed after last term's… _incident_."), timetables and random sheets and forms to bombard the students with. Soon afterwards they were set off to lessons, first stop: Chemistry. Otherwise known as James' least favourite subject. And Lily's favourite one.

Inside the class there weren't many students – Chemistry A-Level was hard to get into. As they entered, James was soon introduced to Eloise Abbott, Amelia Bones, Cornelia Vance, Dirk Cresswell, Davey Gudgeon and Bertram Aubrey.

There were other students in the classroom, but they stuck to their tables. They glanced occasionally at the others with looks of distaste. Soon, the teacher entered and the rest of them sat, except for James who had no seat.

"Settle down, settle down," the huge teacher grumbled, "eh? Who are you?"

"James Potter, sir. New."

"New are you? Alright, alright. Do sit… Oh Miss Evans, still relocated? Very well, Mr Potter, you may sit next to Mr Snape."

Looking around, James soon spotted the seat and immediately scurried over to it, settling down as the lesson began. He glanced at his neighbour, a sallow boy with dark, greasy hair who refused to look up at him. Soon after, the teacher (who James had discovered was called Slughorn) assigned them partner work and they were forced to acknowledge each other. James did a weird head bob and stuck out his hand. "James Potter."

The other boy glanced at him briefly. "Severus Snape."

Uh oh. James could feel the laugh coming. It had started deep in the pit of his stomach and was bubbling up his throat. No, he could not alienate another person already. He. Would. Not. Laugh.  
To his credit, he didn't. Instead he did a strange sort of hacking cough, which resembled the noise a cat makes as it coughs up a hairball. "Nice to meet you… Severus."

Severus Snape smiled and frowned simultaneously, then his eyes flitted across the classroom and the smile dropped from his face, he returned to avoiding James' eyes.

Odd, but still not the oddest thing that had happened to James. Instead, he continued to listen to Evans ask questions about every banal thing to do with chemistry. Slughorn lapped it up, his huge belly shaking with laughter as he kept calling her "Lovely Lily". And they said teachers didn't have favourites!

Oh shit. James suddenly realised that he'd been staring at Lily for a good ten minutes. He looked over hurriedly at Severus, only to see that he hadn't been caught.

Because Severus was staring at her too.

* * *

Lily had the uncomfortable feeling of being stared at and was very disturbed when she saw Potter and Severus chatting reasonably comfortably – after all Severus had never been an easy conversationalist.

Soon, and much to her disappointment, the lesson was over and they had a study period. She eagerly set about completing some questions that had been set, as her friends gazed at her in utter horror.

"Lily, it isn't due until next week!"

"Can you not just chill?"

"No," Lily grumbled, "This will only take a minute if YOU stop distracting me and I'm babysitting tomorrow, so I can't do it then and we'll get more later _and_ I can't do it on Friday because of the party. Also, let's be honest. I'm not going to be in any shape to do it on Saturday."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Alright, I should probably do it too."

Marlene and Dorcas wailed their responses, despairing of their hard-working friends. Mary wasn't listening, instead holding a biro like a fag and moving it back and forth from her lips in a mechanical motion.

* * *

James came out of maths feeling exhausted. McGonagall was the teacher and she had caught him passing notes to Sirius, which had contained a rather unflattering picture of her. That was another detention. He had three now, including the one he had gotten in their study period when he had decided (in a fit of boredom and with encouragement from Sirius) to rip up his chemistry homework and set the little pieces alight with Sirius' lighter. How were they to know the fire alarm would go off and the school would be evacuated?

Soon they had lunch, James' favourite lesson of the day. He got a dry looking sandwich from the canteen and went to sit outside with Sirius. Remus walked past, so James convinced him to also sit down, which he did. Moments later, Peter (Peter Pettigrew, as James had learnt) asked if he could sit. Sirius glared at them all but James welcomed them to sit. It wasn't long before Frank Longbottom and Benjy Fenwick also came outside and after spotting their table, went to sit with them. They were raucous, to say the least and earned many glares from neighbouring benches. Particularly Lily Evans'.

When they had all finished their lunches (Remus hadn't eaten much, instead giving his to an ever-hungry Sirius Black) the boys decided to play a game of footie. James began boasting, Sirius began groaning and Peter registered an opinion that nobody heard.

They were all set up, Frank readied himself in goal and they were all ready to play. Much to the shock of everyone, James was brilliant and managed to outwit every other player. "Too bad Lupin!" he called merrily as Remus failed to intercept the ball.

Soon he was ready to score, he wound up his muscles, aimed for the ball and WHAM!

The ball soared through the air, past Frank's outstretched hands, still going until...

The sound of breaking glass made everyone on the quad gasp then fall silent.

"MR POTTER!" McGonagall shrieked from inside her classroom, where the ball had landed.

James gulped and turned around to see the rest of the boys were running away. So much for fucking friendship. Make that four detentions then.

* * *

Two hours later, they had all had their final two lessons of the day and everyone all trudged wearily home. Too much school, far too quickly was the general complaint.

Lily said goodbye to Dorcas and walked with Marlene to her door, where she said goodbye and edged inside. She called out, before deciding it was safe and walking into the tiny kitchen and dumping her bag down. Peace. She was just about to see if her mum had left anything for her to snack on when she heard a shriek from upstairs that made her blood run cold.

 _No._

Petunia was out! She was at Vernon's, planning her forthcoming nuptials!

The giggles and horrifying sounds from upstairs told her otherwise. Please say Vernon wasn't here. Please say they were not doing… anything. Just anything. The thought was too hideous to contemplate. She crept up the stairs, ignoring the noises until reaching the landing leading to the three bedrooms and bathroom. She knocked on the door, and called out: "Tuney?"

Silence fell, then a muffled ' _bugger!_ ' and some thumping, until a dishevelled Petunia swiftly opened the door. "What?"

"I-I…" Lily had no excuse for knocking on the door, other than wanting the noises to stop, "…just wanted to see if you were alright?"

Petunia looked at her, confused. "Of course I'm fine! Now, leave me alone. I'm busy and do not want to be disturbed."

Lily nodded and bit her lip. "So, do you know what time Mum will be back?"

"Soon! Now just LEAVE."

"Yes, Tuney," she hesitated for a moment before raising her voice slightly: "Hello, Vernon."

With that, Lily turned and walked quickly away, hearing an outraged squawk before shutting her own bedroom door. That was truly awful, yet still a wry smile played around her lips.

She hid in her room until Vernon Dursley left and then ventured downstairs to start dinner. Her mother would be back soon but her father worked long hours and wouldn't get back until later. Out the cottage window, she spied Mary sitting on a bench by herself. She opened the window and called her name, surprising her. As Mary whipped around, Lily saw the lit cig in her hand. This was a continuous pattern. Mary attempted to quit, then a day or two later soon found herself smoking again. Lily gestured for her to come in, but she shook her head and smiled her apology. Well then. Who needs friends when you have ciggies?

Petunia soon came downstairs in a garish (and tight) pink jumper and black pencil skirt. Her perfectly coiffed hair was slightly frizzy and her makeup a little more sloppy than normal. Lily regarded her interestedly. Her sister was taller than her, she thought, prettier too. Lily had gotten a head of red hair, whereas Petunia had pretty golden curls and blue eyes. She was 5'5", whilst Lily remained a solid three inches shorter and had to rely on heels. At least, Lily thought, at least I've got better curves. Tuney has always envied me that.

Her older sister wrinkled her nose at Lily's apparel and sighed heavily. "Mum'll be back soon."

"Can't wait."

* * *

"So, what did you think?"

"Of what?"

"Don't be a tosser," Sirius offered James a puff of his cigarette which he declined, "of school. In general."

"Oh. S'alright. I mean, the broken window and five detentions I got weren't great. Its school, isn't it? Anyone who's expecting miracles can shove themselves. Most people seem nice enough and I can't see many problems for me."

Sirius laughed throatily. "Ah, but you haven't met any of the bad lot yet. Avery, Mulciber, Lestrange. Oh, watch out for Narcissa and Bellatrix Black. Mad as hatters – also my cousins. Right nasty lot. Your chemistry partner too, he's one of 'em. Old Snivellus."

"You don't seriously call him that? To his face?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus. He seemed alright to me, bit weird but an okay bloke."

"True, but never forget my friend," Sirius jumped down from his perch on the graveyard wall and stubbed out his fag on the wall, "no-one's normal here. Just you wait, you'll see."

James snorted and pushed him in the chest and with that they strolled off into the dimming light, arms flung around each other's shoulders as they portrayed a picture of the young and carefree boys that they claimed to be.

* * *

 **Thank you to the two people who followed this story and to King bold, my first ever reviewer! Thank you so much for your kind words, they meant the world to me and I spent ten minutes doing a happy dance at 11 at night. To answer your question, it's meant to be set in 1977-1978, in the mod revival era when punk culture had begun to emerge on the way to the 80s.**

 **I know this chapter is quite boring as it's meant to be a bit of a setting up chapter, but next chapter will hopefully be more exciting. Reviews and constructive criticism always welcome, hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Scattered Red

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, nothing belongs to me except this story.**

 **A/N: This story is rated M for a reason and this chapter is a lot darker than the other two. There will be a sex scene and for people who'd rather not read that, I'll put an M at the beginning and end of the passage to let you know what to skip. There are also some antiquated terms for gay people which people might be offended by, to clarify I don't use words like that or think they're acceptable but for the purpose of this story and the time it's set in, it seemed more fitting. This chapter is where the plot should begin to develop a bit more! As always, thank you so much for reading.**

* * *

 **Scattered Red**

"Does my arse look big in this?"

"For god's sake Dorcas, no! Well, yes, but in a good way," Lily said, muffled, due to the very tight dress she was trying to force over her head. Eventually she managed to pull it down and forced it to stretch over her body, stumbling around so her friend could see.

"Oh. My. God."

"What? Does it look bad?"

"Lily!" Dorcas squawked, "You look gorgeous! Total scarlet bombshell. God, I really shouldn't be friends with you."

Lily turned with a smile to look at the mirror, where she could see the tight, red velvet dress she'd squeezed into. With thin, spaghetti straps, a low neckline and coming down to her knees, she did look striking. She had been worried that the red would clash with her own auburn locks, but instead it emphasised the colours more and made her eyes glisten subtly. Satisfied, the two girls fled to the dressing table to attack themselves with makeup, each smearing glitter on their eyelids and dark eyeliner (very fashionable, according to Dorcas' magazine), with Lily using bright red and Dorcas using pink lipstick. Lily tied up some of her long hair in a topknot, leaving the rest long and down whilst Dorcas fluffed up her curls and smacked her lips. They grabbed their heels – utter death traps, but worth it – then looked at each other. They were ready. They grabbed their bags and coats, wobbled down the stairs as quietly as they could to avoid detection by parents, then burst laughing onto the street, before wobbling to the large Prewett house a few streets away.

Upon entering, they garnered several looks from several people, even some of the haughty blokes that lived up the hill. They struggled through the throng until happening on the rest of their group, minus Alice who was busy playing hostess. Soon they were dancing and swaying their hips with the rest of the party, with the exception of the snobby lot who stayed on the sidelines. Pricks.

Suddenly Alice flung herself on them, laughing and supporting a tray of shots. The Prewett's parents took lots of mini holidays, so were always blissfully unaware of the huge parties that their children threw in their large, open plan (recently renovated – the Prewetts were quite wealthy) ground floor.

All the girls grabbed a shot, then all threw them down their throats, screwing up their eyes at the sour flavour. "Bloody hell Alice, what did you just give us?" Marlene yelled at her over the din.

Alice winked, then whisked off to another corner of the party.

Lily giggled then whooped loudly, grabbing another shot off a nearby table. She was such a good girl all the time – letting her hair down always came as such a relief. In fact she was so happy, she grabbed another shot and downed it too. She was far too fuzzy and happy to see the smiles drop from her friends' faces as they stared warily behind her. She just kept laughing, until she felt a hard body against hers.  
Immediately, she whipped around and saw the smirking, handsome face of Sean Avery.

"Alright, Evans?"

Uh oh. No, no, no. Avery had a reputation and not a good one. Though his light eyes and dark red hair made him handsome, it couldn't disguise the numerous sexual assault allegations against his father, nor the fact that his mother had been known to beat maids viciously in the past. It especially couldn't mask the rumours that he had cut up his sister's rabbit (whilst still alive) because she wouldn't lend him money when they were children, or that he had… messed with one of the Emmaline Vance's cousins when she came to town last summer.  
To conclude: Sean Avery was not someone she wanted to be talking to.

His gaze raked up and down her figure as she regretted the form fitting dress, and he leaned down to talk to her, breath smelling of liquor. "Dressing up for… someone?"

"No, and definitely not for you."

He laughed, then twisted his lips into a predatory smile. "Are you sure?"

"She's sure."

Lily glanced around and saw Sirius Black, fuming silently, anger dripping from his eyes and shadows practically wrapping around him. He was just a teenage boy – yet in that moment Lily was afraid.

Avery cocked a brow arrogantly. "Black – though I'm not sure you deserve that honoured surname."

Sirius was shaking with ire. "Leave. Her. _Alone_."

Avery held his hands up in surrender, before snorting and shaking his head as he stepped away. "You can pretend Black, but we both know we're the same," he called after them, as he strode into the crowd.

Sirius was still shaking, but now he looked exhausted. Lily turned to him and muttered her thanks. "You didn't need to do that."

Sirius smiled wryly and leant down slowly. Lily stiffened as he placed a kiss on her forehead. As he leaned back she looked at him worriedly. "Sirius?"

He just shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "Yes I did. I did need to do it," he turned around and walked over to where Potter was watching them intently, "Take care, Evans."

Lily watched him curiously, until remembering her friends were all looking at her worriedly. She turned back to them and forced a smile. "Come on, let's dance."

No one mentioned what had happened again.

* * *

"What happens at these parties then?"

"What doesn't happen?" Sirius laughed at James' expression and grabbed his jacket, pulling him along.

"Aim of the game: get off with someone. Also avoid the lot from up the hill, they don't always show up but when they do it isn't a good sign." Sirius nodded and sighed.

James was observing this curiously, it was a Friday night and it seemed anyone between the ages of 16 and 25 were going to this party. This was his first party away from London and he expected it'd be quite different.

They soon arrived at the source of noise and music that they had heard since they passed the shops. The large house was lit up with noise and people. They glanced at each other, before delving into the mob together. Soon they were inside the sweaty core of the party, where Sirius seemed to know nearly everyone that passed them.

"Eddie! Not seen you in a while, still in love with me?"

"You wish, Black. I've got myself a bloke, thanks. Bit more liberal in places when there are more than 930 people living there."

"Ha," to James he muttered, "Eddie Bones – only queer in the village. Only out one anyway. He gets a lot of shit from people, but he's a good bloke. Lives in Brighton now, you heard of it? Apparently queers flock there. Amelia Bones' brother, he is."

James watched as the boy wove through the crowd, ignoring as people pulled away from him as he passed and the muffled insults people threw at him. _Poof. Shirt-lifter. Faggot._ Several of the up-the-hill-lot spat at him as he passed them.  
James couldn't help but admire the quiet strength of the bloke – if James had been queer, could he have come out somewhere like this, knowing so many people would hate him for it?

Sirius continued, unbothered. "Emmaline, my darling!"

"Piss off, Black."

"Oi oi, alright Hest?"

"Still a dick, Sirius?"

James laughed, Sirius seemed to have an uneasy camaraderie with a lot of people. He had no friends but many acquaintances.  
Looking around, but could see Remus nowhere. He did, however, spy Peter and tugged a sighing Sirius in his direction.

"Alright, Pete?"

Peter Pettigrew started, then smiled tentatively. "Yeah, you?"

"Not bad thanks."

They began to chat together, accepting shots and drinks until they were stinking drunk. They were honestly enjoying each other's company (Peter was a laugh once you got to know him) until Sirius broke off mid-ramble, staring over at the other side of the party.

James also turned, to see a tall, brutish looking bloke leaning over Lily Evans with a leer. Something about the scene made James' skin crawl and everything turn red, but nonetheless he was surprised when Sirius grabbed another shot, downed it and strode over to the pair. James watched curiously as he saw Sirius confront the boy, obviously exchanging harsh words whilst Lily Evans looked on fearfully. The boy surrendered, saying something to Sirius which made his face visibly darken and the air around him to appear leached of colour. Lily said something to him, to which James saw him give a pained smile and then he gave her an odd sort of kiss on her brow that made something in James's stomach curdle.

Sirius walked back to them as Lily looked after him confusedly.

"What was that about?" said James curiously.

Sirius grabbed another shot, downing it and swaying slightly as he did. "Avery's a bastard," he muttered, "you don't know… what he'd do to someone like her… you don't know what he did…." he tailed off and stared blankly out the nearby window, seeing things the others couldn't. Then he sniffed loudly and visibly shook off the mood. "We're at a party – let's behave like it."

They continued as before, yet there was something indefinably different in the conversation.

* * *

Lily was smashed. So were the rest of the girls, but she was completely and utterly hammered. She danced and danced, sweat pouring down her back and hair flying about wildly.  
What was in those drinks?  
All colours were heightened, the lights stabbed at her eyes and her arms were covered in goosebumps.

Dorcas was laughing with her, Mary was puffing on a fag and Marlene was dancing closely with a boy Lily did not recognise – she couldn't recognise many people in her current state.

Many of the up-the-hill-lot had left, apart from Bellatrix Black who was flaunting her relationship with Rodolphus Lestrange to any who would see.

Lily laughed and laughed and laughed to the point when she thought she would die. Her stomach ached and she felt sick but still she laughed at nothing and everything.  
She grabbed Dorcas, who she thought was laughing too but instead she saw tears. Instantly she took her hand and stumbled with her into the loos. "Dor? What's wrong?"

Dorcas continued to cry.

"Tell me."

She cleared her throat. "It's not really anything, you know? I just… you know when everything seems shit? Everyone thinks I'm an airhead, who can never get her life in order. Like, I can never be good enough. I mean you," Dorcas rambled drunkenly, "you're so perfect. I won't ever be as perfect as you and sometimes I hate you for that Lils. And then I think no, I'm a horrible person. She's my best friend. Then I remember how much worse other people have got it and I just…" Dorcas cried harder.

Lily was at a loss. This was all so sudden, so fast. She hadn't expected anything like this to happen, hadn't had any inclination her friend was feeling this way. Her muddled brain was struggling to cope and she couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"Dorcas…" she could do nothing but wrap her arms around her and squeeze her tightly.

Suddenly Alice came banging in and froze when she saw her two mates. She asked no questions, instead she joined Lily in hugging Dorcas as hard as she could.

"I can never be as pretty, as clever, as _good_ as either of you!" she wailed, clutching Alice as if her life depended on it.

Alice looked at her confused. "Dor, you're wonderful. I'm not sure what's going on but let me tell you that you are one of the most beautiful people I know – inside and out. You're generous, you're friendly. And you're way prettier than me," Alice said sadly, "I mean, you're both so thin and perfect. I'm the fifth wheel in our friendship group, not you!"

They all clutched each other harder, Dorcas still crying but now protesting. "No, Al, you're not, you're not."

"Besides," Lily said, "I think you're all prettier than me and you all think the same thing about yourselves. We're all as wonderful and beautiful and as flawed as each other. I can honestly say I love you all so much and I could _not_ , I could not be without you."

Now all the girls were upset, they were holed up in the bathroom and they clutched each other as two of them wept. Finally, with her tears easing, Alice looked up. "We are all much too drunk to be doing this."

The three girls laughed for the first time in a while, before they all went to clean up their makeup, reapplying and primping so that no one would be able to tell in the half-light of the party outside. When they were all done, they all made to leave with the exception of Alice, who said she'd just be a second.

Lily and Dorcas took no notice of it and threw themselves back into the party, accepting more shots and swaying dangerously.

Alice was alone.  
She stared at herself in the big mirror for several seconds.  
She prodded her face and squeezed her sides before just breathing as she looked. In, out. In, out. She looked at herself, the mirror image that seemed to reflect everything she hid from everyone, all her insecurities. Her doubts.  
Alice stared at herself for a few seconds more, worrying at her lip, before turning around and heading to the toilet.

* * *

When Lily re-joined the party she felt drained and fed up. She was looking for distraction. She was also drunk and without some much needed restraint. She threw herself back into the fray, bumping bodies with faceless people until she felt herself pressed against someone warm and tall, who made her skin tingle all over.

She looked over her shoulder to see the handsome face of James Potter, his glasses slipping down his nose and his hazel eyes twinkling at her. "Alright, Evans?" he leant down and said in her ear.

She turned her body completely around so that they were standing very close among the moving figures, just staring at one another. A record of 'Teenage Kicks' was playing in the background, but at that moment she could barely hear it. The cogs in her brain seemed to rust as time and reason splintered apart. James's brows creased together as he watched her watching him. "Ev-"

Suddenly Lily lurched forward and in a fit of pure need and caprice, she pressed her lips to James Potter's.

Fireworks lit up behind her eyes, his lips were warm and soft and all she could have wanted. He kissed her back, pushing against her, his tongue sliding between her lips to duel with her own. They stood like that for what seemed like both seconds and eternity, until breaking apart and staring in shock.

"Lily…"

"Meet me outside in 10."

* * *

As Lily left James stood there for a second, his glasses had steamed up and his mind was completely frazzled. That was the best kiss he had ever had – from a girl that hated him.  
Everything about this was a bad idea, he knew it was, but the alcohol and lust clouding his brain made it impossible to see this as anything other than wonderful.

He stood there, staring into space for a little while longer before swivelling and locating another shot. He downed his liquid courage and heading outside, the taste of liquor and ash heavy on his tongue.

The Prewett's house had a large garden that backed onto a field, with several large trees and bushes dotted around. James stood outside, seeing several drunken couples kissing in secluded spots and searching for that glint of red hair. Suddenly, he felt tingles stretch like electricity along his right side and glancing to the right, he saw her standing there, staring straight forward. "Follow me. Quickly."

 **M.**

James watched her pick around several couples and random passed out people, past the end of the garden to a small copse of trees close to the woods surrounding the village. Once they were secluded in the trees Lily grabbed his jacket and pulled him down to her lips. They kissed hungrily for several minutes, hands roaming up and down each other, James breaking away to make a trail down Lily's neck, listening to the little gasps she made. Soon they were pulling at each other's clothing and gasping for breath, but everything stopped when Lily turned around for James to undo her zip. He looked at her uncertainly. "Lily, are you sure? We don't have to…"  
She stopped his questions with a single, unwavering glance, before turning back around and pulling her hair over her shoulder. "Unzip me."

Soon, she shimmied out of the red dress and began eagerly fighting with his belt, as his hands crept to her bare breasts and cautiously held them in his hands, amazed at how perfect they were. His mouth darted down and his tongue flicked against a hardened nipple and she arched into him, urging him for more. She managed to undo his belt and hastily undid his trousers, finding him hard and poking out against his boxers. Nervously, she ran a finger along it that caused James to tremble.

"Lily…" he gasped, "you… you…"

Suddenly he pulled down his trousers and hastily pulled off his top. They looked at each other for a second, panting, before crashing together and slowly lowering themselves to the floor. Random twigs poked into them and the air smelled electrically of rain, but neither noticed. Lily ran her hands over his beautiful muscles and hooked her ankles together behind his back. The scattered red of her hair spilled all over the ground, entangling in the dirt and fragments of dead leaves. They glanced at each other once more and Lily suddenly blushed.

"What?" asked James.

"It's just…" she bit her lip awkwardly, "you have, you know, before?"

James laughed. "Yes," suddenly he blushed too, "I mean, have you-"

"Oh god, yes, sorry. I just didn't want to be responsible for your virginity."

"Ah, right, got it."

With the air suddenly awkward, they both began to giggle and had to stop to regain their heads, particularly when James's glasses fell off his face and crashed onto Lily – causing much hilarity between them. Before they started kissing again, James whipped off his glasses to stop them from causing problems – forsaking the fact that he could barely see. Soon they were moaning and panting, chests flush against each other. Lily nodded. "I'm ready."

James cautiously eased himself in, moaning as her tight folds parted for him. Lily arched her back with a sudden intake of breath. "James, please!"  
With her encouragement, he slid his large length the whole way in, watching as Lily stiffened blurrily in shock and as her mouth opened and closed without sound. James moved slightly and moaned, "Oh god, Lily."

He began to thrust, in and out, Lily clutching on to his back and bringing her hips up to meet his. His plunges hit a perfect spot and she cried out as she was drowned in infinity, her pleasure close to cresting, as they breathed as one passionate being. Lily was soaked and James was trembling with the effort of holding on. He muttered her name over and over, like a prayer. One final, perfect thrust and they were both thrown into oblivion, sweet ecstasy going over them in waves, until finally they became aware of where they were, of James's shrivelling length within her and of the party still within hearing distance.

 **M.**

Awkwardly, they got up and dusted off, picking debris out of their hair. They dressed silently and with an air of guilt clinging to them. When they were both as presentable as they could be, unable to shake the dust and sweat from their bodies, they glanced at one another for the first time, silently nodding the affirmative that the other looked as normal as possible. James reached up to pluck a red veined leaf out of Lily's hair, but his hand fell to his side, as if there was a block between them.

They left the clearing as if it had never happened, with the stars sending cold judgement scorching their backs, the one witness to their unspoken secret.

They silently walked back to the house, Lily going in first and James sitting on a bench for a little while, before Sirius found him some time later and offered him a fag. For the first time, James accepted.

"Sirius," he slurred, "Sirius, I made a terrible mistake."

Sirius crouched down next to him, as James hung his head in his hands. "Mate? Wha-"  
Suddenly he broke off, staring at James' jacket, before leaning forward and picking off a long, red hair. Breathing deeply and avoiding James' gaze. "Did you snog her?"

James clutched his hair and pressed his face further into his hands, his glasses cutting into the bridge of his nose. Rain began to fall, disguising the prickles searing his eyes and causing welcome chills to erupt over him.

Sirius breathed deeply. "Did you shag her?"

He couldn't say anything. He'd messed up.

Sirius had no expression on his face. He just kept breathing deeply, his chest rising and his face pale. Framed by the sudden lightning, thunder crashing above them, he made a sinister figure against the dark night.  
The next thing James knew, Sirius had spun towards him and hit him square in the face. His glasses flew off his face and landed with a tinkle as he was twisted all the way around and fell off the bench. He had to stay crouched on the ground for a second as he spat out some blood and looked up at his friend in horror.

Sirius was staring at him. His long hair was matted against his head and his eyes burned with an intensity unique to the genes he unwillingly carried. "You deserved it. You know you did."

James nodded. "I did. But bloody hell mate, did you have to hit me that hard?"

"Yes." Sirius shook his head at him, "yes I fucking did." He offered him his hand, and pulled him back up. "We're even now. Come on, let's go in."

James retrieved his glasses and followed him in, clutching his face. Friestan parties really weren't like London parties.

* * *

Lily walked in and soon found her girls in a group. Dorcas looked much happier and much drunker, due to the high colour on her cheeks, Mary was smoking, Marlene had a hickey on her neck and Alice looked a little peaky and pale. Looking at them all laughing, Lily suddenly felt far more sober than she had done and felt self-loathing wash over her. She felt dirty, as if she needed to have a bath immediately.

"Lily!" Marlene crowed, "God you look rough. Who did you get off with then?"

The girls all tittered and started searching the crowd, much to Lily's shame.

They looked around for a while, cajoling her to tell them and trying to press more drinks into her hand – none of them noticing her quietness.

Suddenly Mary gasped, pointing over at James and Sirius who had just re-entered, soaked with the rain that had started. "Right, did you get off with Sirius again, or did you nab the new boy?"

Lily glared at her, whilst the others laughed again. "For god's sake. Lower your fucking voice," the girls looked at her shocked – Lily never swore that badly.

"Lily? What's wrong?" Alice stroked her arm worriedly and just like that, Lily became one of numerous girls who had shed tears that night.  
The girls quickly hid her from other people and secreted her upstairs to Alice's room.

"Lily, what's going on?"

"What happened?"

"Lils?"

Lily took in a rattling breath as the others swarmed around her on the narrow bed. She licked her lips and glanced up. "It was Potter."

"You got off with Potter? That's not a bad thing! I know he annoys you but mistakes happen." The girls all flocked to soothe her until Dorcas gripped her hand hard.  
"Lily, tell me he didn't force you."

Lily shook her head. "No, no he didn't," she wiped her tears off her face, nails nicking at her skin, "but I didn't just go and snog him," the girls all looked at her seriously as she looked at them sadly, "I fucking shagged him."

Everyone in the room looked shocked, even Marlene who was normally laid back. Lily never cried and Lily never had sex outside of relationships – for both to happen in one night warranted some bewilderment from them all. Lily glanced at their slack faces and buried her head in her hands, wailing, "I'm a slut! I'm a slut, I'm a slut, I'm a slut!"

The friends looked at each other for a second, before leaning forward and hugging Lily. "No, Lils. You're not. You made a mistake, you were drunk and it wasn't your fault."

She quietened, cushioned by the warm bodies around her. They rocked her back and forth and waited for her tears to stop. Then they brushed out her hair, redid her makeup that had been smudged by tears and kisses and helped her get the dirt off her dress.

Mary glanced out the window for a minute, then cried out, "Shit!"

All of them rushed to the window to see rare, forked lightning crash down and to hear thunder echo, as rain slammed into the pavement. They looked on in awe at the natural marvel and felt calmer as the stifling heat that they never even noticed ebbed away. They could see lots of dark figures shrieking and the party beginning to break up as they ran downstairs.  
Most people were still there, but they all looked tired and everyone was shocked to find out it was in the early hours. Lily saw James across the room staring at her and avoided his gaze. He had a huge bruise blossoming across his face and was moving towards the door with Sirius, who seemed restrained in his emotions.

Eventually, she found her coat where she had dumped it hours previously and collected her bag from Alice. "Ready to go, Dor-"

A scream shattered the air from outside and everyone rushed into the street to see what was happening.

Amelia Bones was crouching on the street as James Potter and Sirius Black ran forward and helped Fabian and Gideon lift a bloodied and crippled figure out of the dark bushes on the green.

Eddie Bones.

Blood was dribbling out of his mouth as he flopped from side to side in their arms, scattering red everywhere. His handsome and face was hardly recognisable. He'd lost his jacket and his white shirt was ripped and soaked in places with red and rain. Fabian had left his brother and the others to support him and dashed back in to call an ambulance. Several people were crying - one person vomited into a bush.

The crowd stood sombrely, unable to look away. Rain drenched everyone and makeup streaked down every girls' face. Lily's teeth were chattering but she wasn't sure what from.

Adults were beginning to come out now, several women in nightgowns and curlers, men in dressing gowns and with looks of disapproval that soon turned to dismay. Mrs Bones came sprinting over in bare feet, ignoring how her nightgown was soaked and how branches scratched her leg. She was just screaming her son's name.

The boys set him down and tried to shift his arm out from where it was curled up beside him and he howled in pain. It was the most excruciating sound Lily had ever heard. It spoke purely of agony and sorrow, and an accusation to the people who never heard his cry for help. "Oh my god," Amelia sobbed, "the monsters broke his arm, they broke his arm!"

Indeed, white fragments of bone could be seen peeking out and cries of horror mingles with that of far-off sirens.

His left trouser leg had been ripped away and as Fabian ran back out of the house with a torch, the smears of blood became obvious as the rain scattered red droplets everywhere, hurrying the flow. When the next streak of lightning came the wound was freshly illuminated and everyone realised in pure horror that there was a word carved into the flesh of his leg.

 _Faggot._

* * *

 **Here you go, chapter 3 a few days early! I'm going on holiday next week, so I'll try to update before then but if I don't then it may be a few weeks. Thank you to all the new people who followed, please review! Constructive criticism** _ **is**_ **welcome and nice reviews are what motivates me. To anyone who bothers to read this story so far – thank you so much.**


	4. Scars of Yesterday

**Disclaimer: I wish I was brilliant enough to write Harry Potter – but unfortunately I own nothing.**

 **Scars of yesterday**

Church was different that Sunday. No one whispered, no one gossiped and no one was forced to come.

Lily stayed in bed, tears leaking from her eyes as she saw Eddie's mutilated leg printed on her eyelids.

Dorcas went along with her family and stared blankly into space.

James went, as did Remus, who looked very ill and had no idea what had happened.

The Prewett children were too shocked and consumed with guilt. Their parents went. They avoided everyone's gaze.

Every member of the Black family was there. Several of them were smiling. Sirius was at the back of the party, as usual. His eyes were red, his hair lank and his face gaunt – in that moment, it was possible to guess what he would look like in 30 years.

Peter trembled next to his mother.

Marlene and Mary huddled outside the church, sharing a fag, before entering the service halfway through. No-one commented on the lingering smell on their clothes.

Afterwards, several people huddled sombrely under umbrellas, discussing the previous night.

" _His mother is distraught."_

" _I mean, can you imagine?"_

" _Still in surgery, Mrs Bones said to her sister this morning."_

" _Terrible."_

" _Awful."_

" _Kicked his head, they did. God knows what will happen to the poor boy."_

" _So misguided."_

" _So young."_

" _Just terrible."_

* * *

Sirius crossed through the rain to talk to James, where he stood with a shocked Remus and a shaking Peter. All the boys looked at him with astonishment – normally when Sirius was with his family he stayed quiet and acted part of the Black family unit.  
People stared as he walked over to them, his head bowed and eyes averted. When he reached them he glanced up, then lowered his lashes again.

"I keep seeing his face."

James nodded. "I know mate. Me too."

Now Sirius looked up again, that fire burning in his eyes. "I think-"

"Sirius." An older woman with long dark curls called his name. She was glaring at them, as were many of her companions.

Sirius looked at her and then turned away again, licking his lips nervously. "I heard them talking, they said-"

"Sirius?" A silvery voice crept up behind them as petite, pale hands took his arm. A beautiful girl with long pale hair smiled at the group. "Sorry," she chirruped, "We have to go. Come, Sirius."

"I'm coming, Cissy." He shook off her hands, then nodded at the boys, before the two cousins walked along together. Both were striking, one reflecting light and the other drawing it in. Sirius was much taller than 'Cissy', yet as they left she seemed to be the confident one, a bright smile gracing her lips.

As they reached the rest of the Blacks, Sirius was enveloped in the middle as they walked towards the shiny cars, black umbrellas held high. They didn't turn back. No one fell out of step. As always, everyone turned to watch them leave. As they left, James could see on the side of the car a crest with an insignia underneath.

' _Toujours Pur'._

* * *

Plink. Plink. Plink.

"Oi, wanker!"

Plink. Plink. Plink.

James opened his window to see Sirius standing outside, on the other side of the steps so that he was hidden from sight from neighbouring houses and throwing stones at his window. "Let me in?"

James rushed downstairs and opened the door. Sirius was wet and was hiding his face from him. He looked around the house and sniffed loudly. "Huh. Nicer than ours. Fewer animal heads."

"Right."

They walked through to the kitchen towards the back, where Mrs Potter was bustling around in a rare fit of energy. "James darling, will you – oh," she stopped as she saw Sirius, "hello dear, are you a friend of James?"

Sirius shook his hair again to cover the left half of his face, before striding forward, hand outstretched. "Pleasure to meet you Mrs Potter, I'm Sirius Black."

"Well now, that's lovely dear. Please, call me Euphemia. We're not very formal here! Well… not anymore. Do sit down, I'll make you some tea. You look quite frozen!"

Sirius nodded. "Thank you, Mrs Potter."

Euphemia frowned, but didn't correct him again. She made tea for them all and they sat at the kitchen table, talking for a little while. She could tell that the two boys were already close and they seemed very similar sometimes. Soon, Sirius relaxed and they all chatted with ease. It was only when James cracked a joke and he threw back his head in laughter, that they both saw the large cut on his left cheekbone.

"Heavens! However did you do that?"

Sirius's face drained of colour and he clapped his hand to the side of his face. "I – I tripped."

James looked at him suspiciously. "You tripped?"

"Yes."

Mrs Potter looked at this boy, his big grey eyes were defensive and he had automatically straightened. He knew it was a feeble lie, but would not divulge the truth. "I'll get the first aid kit. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Never, in all her years, had Euphemia Potter seen someone that young look so thankful.

* * *

"Lily?"

"Go away."

"Lily, it's Petunia."

"I don't care!"

Petunia walked in and sat down on her sister's bed. "Honestly Lily, it wasn't your fault."

"Leave."

"No. Now get up, you're being pathetic."

"I. Don't. CARE."

Petunia fluffed up her golden hair and looked at her sibling pityingly. "I know it was a shock. I also know that this wasn't all that happened. You can pretend you're crying just for Eddie, but I know better."

With that, Petunia left and Lily sat up to watch her go.  
Tuney was right. Snapshots of last night haunted her. Lightning framing the sky. _His_ hands touching her. Sirius, looking at her hollowly. Eddie… Eddie.

She dragged herself downstairs, where her father was reading the newspaper as her mother cooked. Normally they had a roast dinner on Sunday. No one was cooking roasts today. Petunia sat, filing her nails in the corner and everyone looked up as she entered. Then, in a very English way, they went back to what they were doing.

Soon they were ready to eat and Lily picked through her food as her mother engaged in a very stilted conversation with Petunia. Afterwards, her dad told them all he was going for a walk, and left – to walk to the pub.

Unfortunately, Jane Evans decided that this was the time to give Petunia some advice about marriage.

"But, well dear – you'll be married soon! Have you thought about children?"

"Mother, I'm 21! Of course I've not."

"Well dear, then you'll have to take… precautions. Protection. I'm sure you know – you don't want to be a mother as young as me, do you?"

"Mum! Lily, tell her to stop."

But Lily wasn't listening anymore. Instead, the last thing her mother had said was thundering through her head.  
With everything else that happened last night, she forgot one other thing. Something that had been niggling on her mind all day.

She put her head in her hands and screamed in frustration, as her sister and mother looked at her in horror and surprise.

They forgot a fucking condom.

* * *

Alice stared out the window. She couldn't cope. Gid had left food outside her door. She'd eaten all of it, every last bit.

Then she did it again.

That was the third time now.

Eddie, oh Eddie. She'd seen him going outside, had been going over to say goodbye when Lily came in after being gone for over an hour.

And that was that.

* * *

Remus couldn't move. His joints had swelled and the sun pierced at his eyes. His fingers had been tinged purple again and his breath rattled.

He felt sad often now, but now he felt even sadder.

What was the point?

What. Was. The. Point.

He lay in his bed, wishing for it to be over.

* * *

Severus could hear his father shouting again. His mother said nothing. She was used to it.

He dared not breathe, lest his father discover him in his hiding spot – he crouched between a dusty chair and a hole near the roof in the attic. He crouched here often, because through the hole he could watch the outside world. He could see if his father left, he could see if people were messing about on the green and he could watch as Lily Evans passed underneath on her way to the shops, as she often did.  
Not today.

The attic was dark and dusty. The whole house was shabby and bore marks of his father's temper, but the attic was more neglected than the rest. In winter it was bitterly cold, but still he would hide there. If he did not, his father would hit him.

Tobias Snape had wanted much more than the pitiful existence he had thought marrying a rich girl would get him out of. How had he been to know that Eileen Prince's family would disown her completely?  
Now, he consoled himself in drink. And by taking it out on his wife and child.

Severus shivered in his corner, rocking back and forth. He could not, would not be affected by this. He was stronger than that.  
After all.  
Who would suspect him of any wrongdoing?

* * *

Peter couldn't believe it. Who would believe it? Peter was a sad little nobody who no one cared about.

But now? _Sirius Black_ was talking to him. And James Potter! Who was new but very cool. Cooler than Peter.

They were nice to him and had talked to him yesterday for ages. They laughed at his jokes and listened to his stories. Then they had left, so Peter had been alone again, but he hadn't minded.

Today, they'd spoken to him again and to Loony Lupin – who was nice, but odd.

Peter knew he should be ashamed for being as happy as he was, but Peter was never happy.  
And being happy, it felt _good_.

* * *

Sirius left the Potter house with a smile on his face. He had good, healthy food in his belly and had been given warm clothes that James had grown out of. He had sat in front of a fire, and drunk tea and eaten scones. He had laughed and joked without fear or reservation. The Potter house was warm, it was welcoming and it was a place of love and joy.

His house wasn't like that. The Black house was cold and dark. Cobwebs coated the kitchen and the servant, Mr Kreacher, was devoted to his mother and happy to snitch on Sirius at any moment. Narcissa floated around the halls like it was her palace, leaving a cloying scent of perfume behind her as she mooned over letters from her mystery lover. Bellatrix painted pictures of dead flowers and burning eyes in her room, where she cloistered herself. Regulus kept to his room mostly, reading – apart from when their father would force him downstairs to show him how to shoot a pistol. Walburga, his 'mother' sat in her drawing room each day. Kreacher would bring her brandy laced with laudanum and embroidery for her to prick her fingers on. His father went to work and returned each day in a foul temper – made even fouler when he was reminded of who he was married to. His aunt and uncle would go on long trips to London, leaving their three – no, two now – daughters behind with their bitter relations. Andromeda wasn't spoken of. Her portrait remained, because Cissy and Bella were also in it. She wasn't on the family tree anymore. No one wanted to remember the dishonour.  
As for Sirius? He avoided them all. He was his mother's pet complaint and his father's favourite object of relief. Yes, hitting Sirius seemed to brighten his father's mood.  
Then there was Bella. Bellatrix would whisper awful things in his ears when they sat at dinner. She would talk of blood, of lust, of secrets. Madness flowed from her lips and she delighted in telling him exactly what would become of his friends, what she would gleefully do to them.  
Narcissa would smile coquettishly at everyone and everything. She wore short dresses under her coats and bright red lipstick. She had simpered and smirked her way through her life until she was the favourite child of the family. She would wait until dinnertime, when the entire family was gathered, to divulge whatever 'wrong' thing she had caught Sirius doing that day. Then she would seek rewards for the lies she told.  
Regulus loved Sirius, but he was different. He was a follower. He was weak. He was too scared to ever say 'no'.

Sirius hated it. He had been seen (by Narcissa) kissing Lily Evans and had been made to sleep in the cellar for three days afterwards. After the service that morning they had all been made to sit and watch as his father hit him again and again, his large silver rings glinting in the air as he swung back to strike. Then, the rest of the sick bastards had been ushered out as Sirius's father lit a cigar.

He had taken in a puff, the end glinting white hot as the smoke was inhaled into his poisoned lungs.

"You know, Sirius," Orion Black's voice was rough, like sandpaper, "I don't _enjoy_ hurting you. I have to do it, you see. You understand, don't you my boy? This is for your own good."

Orion approached Sirius, who couldn't control the bile in his throat, the way his skin crawled and his body was sweating with fear. Regulus was called back in, and made to restrain Sirius as Orion rolled up the arm of his right sleeve. Slowly, with deliberate hesitation, the burning cigar was pressed into the soft skin of his arm. Sirius had screamed, the pain was too much, too much for him. His right arm was covered in cigar burns which went up his arm in neat lines. His father was methodical in his abuse.

When it was over, Sirius ran outside and was sick in the gutter. He refused to cry. Sirius Black did not cry. Then, he had gone over to the Potters and spent the afternoon there. They had seen his face, how could they not? Yet they didn't see his arm. That was good. No one could know what his family were like.

He now sat on the green, wishing to be James. To have nice parents, who loved him and to have a brother who wasn't scared. To have cousins who weren't mad.

He realised he was sat near the Evans' house. Ah. Lily. Another problem. She hated him, after all. She had also shagged James. She also would never consider dating a _Black_.  
These were all problems for Sirius, because the only thing that got him through his days were the promise of seeing her, seeing her beautiful hair and eyes, to tease her in their classrooms and to sit next to her in lessons.

That was Sirius's biggest secret.  
He was completely, head-over-heels in love with Lily Evans.

But Lily Evans did not love him.  
She never would.

* * *

"They've got some official coming down, to investigate what really happened. Mr Rätsel, or something."

"What was his name?"

"Rätsel."

"Humph. Sounds German."

Lily was so tired. Vernon had come round unexpectedly and they were being forced to sit and talk with them. She had even been given a small glass of wine, which she had ignored. Petunia cooed over everything Vernon said and their mother smiled uneasily. Dad had returned from his 'walk' smelling of smoke and had done his best to look happy about Vernon being there.

The talk had inevitably turned again to last night. Lily was trying to block it out, but she was failing miserably.

"I had word from Mrs Doyle earlier, you know, Eddie's godmother," said Mrs Evans sadly, "It's official. The doctors can't do any more. He'd brain damaged. Can't even say his own name."

"Oh, god…" Lily hadn't even realised she had spoken, but she instantly clapped her hand over her mouth, regretting the attention she had drawn.

"Well," boomed Vernon, "that sort of _lifestyle_ always comes with risks. You'd think he'd know not to be so stupid."

"Vernon!" Petunia admonished, "He was a lovely boy! Lily was very upset."

"Did – did you hear anything about his leg?" Lily clenched her glass so tightly the stem threatened to snap.

Mrs Evans nodded sadly. "Yes, dear. They said it would heal, but scar. It won't go away."

Lily bit her lip and muffled a sob.

Vernon looked appalled. "Calm down, he was only a poof!"

Lily sprung out of her seat. "How dare you, you hateful man! I wish Petunia had never met you! You don't deserve her, you never will! Why don't you just leave us alone?"

Everyone stared at her in shock. Lily never raised her voice at guests, she never let Vernon's insults get under her skin. Even her father stared at her in shock and Petunia was glaring at her fearsomely.

Lily ran out of the cottage, sprinting towards the green when she tripped over someone outside her gate.

She fell to the ground, cutting her knee and was shocked to see the familiar hooked nose and black eyes looking back at her.

"Sev?"

"I-"

"What the bloody hell are you doing here? Are you spying on me?"

"No, I-" Severus spluttered and turned bright red.

Lily laughed shrilly, "Well I doubt you were coming to apologise!"

"I was only trying to see if you were okay."

Lily laughed again. "Okay? No I'm not fucking okay. I want a fucking apology, I want to know why you're stalking me and I want this nightmare to just be _over_!"

Severus looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "I didn't mean to, to hurt you."

Lily snorted. "Calling someone a whore, when they're trying to help you, then spitting at them?" Lily began to cry. "That _hurt_ , Sev. I was just trying to help, to get them to stop. I was your friend, I protected you! I defended you to everyone!"

"I know, Lily, I'm sorry," Snape was close to tears too, he tried to grab her, to catch her sleeve but she pushed him away.  
Suddenly, his face contorted in anger and he grabbed her and shook her fiercely. "Don't you understand? I had to." He shook her again and she whimpered.

"Severus, you're hurting me."

He snarled at her. "I'm protecting you, you stupid bit-"

"Unhand her, or else." A cool voice washed over them and Snape whipped around to see Sirius Black glaring at him.

"You don't fucking control me, _Black_ ," he spat.

Sirius strode forward and pushed Snape against the fence.

"Listen to me," he breathed, "You don't look at her, you don't talk to her, you don't even think about her. She said stop and you kept hurting her." Sirius threw Snape on the ground and knelt down next to him, whispering in his ear.  
"I know what you did, Snivellus. I saw you, last night. Do not think I will hesitate."  
Snape blanched, scrambled to his feet and fled.

Lily stared at Sirius in wonder. "Thank you," she whispered.

He stood up and fiddled for a cigarette. "Let me know if he bothers you again," he said as he took a puff.

"You didn't have to do that. You've saved me twice now. Why?"

"Maybe you should be more careful."

"Tell me why."

Sirius let out a long stream of smoke and glanced at her. His eyes were so veiled, they disguised so much more than they showed, Lily thought. He kept looking in her eyes, then in a split second dropped the cigarette and grabbed her, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

Lily was so shocked that she just stood there, trying to work out what was going on. Then, his lips left hers and when she opened her eyes he was gone. There was nothing there but a cigarette butt and angry voices shouting from inside the cottage.

Lily crept back inside, apologised to Vernon and Petunia, avoided everyone's questions and pleaded exhaustion.  
Soon, she lay in bed, thinking about two boys. One who ignited a fire in her veins and another who could brighten and dim her stars with a single word.

* * *

James stared out the window, thinking.

He was doomed to failure before his time in Friestan had even begun. So many secrets surrounded this little village and James could feel the weight of them pressing down on him. In the spirit of secrets, he added one of his own to mix.  
It had been weighing on his mind all day and he felt as if he would die if he did not say it, just once.

"I can't stop thinking about Lily Evans," he whispered into the night.

* * *

There was a stranger in Friestan. He wasn't a stranger to all, though. He was handsome, his bones were beautifully set in his face and both his hair and eyes were dark. There was an agelessness to him, in that he could look 25 and 40 at the same time. A trilby hat balanced on his head and obscured half his face in shadow, leaving only the perfect bow of his lips on full display. He stood at the doorway of the old man, hands in his coat pockets and an air of arrogance oozing off him. The old man turned to look around and when he saw the stranger, he set down the book he was reading and clasped his hands together thoughtfully. In the half light, the silver of his beard seemed amplified and the sorrow in his piercing eyes was unmistakable.

"You shouldn't have come back here, Tom."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you (as always) to anyone who has read/followed or favorited this story! I am so sorry for the late update but I have just been on holiday for two weeks with no time to write. Thank you so much to King Bold for your kind words once again. This chapter is a little shorter than the others as I found it quite hard to write and I'm still not quite satisfied with it – but I can't figure out why not. Anyway, thank you all, and please review!**


	5. When the Rain Comes

**A/N: I inadvertently may have upset some users with the Sirius storyline last chapter, but I would like to say that this** _ **is**_ **a Jily fic, it may just take a little time and some metaphorical kicks up the arse to get them there.**

 **Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, only this story is.**

 **When the Rain Comes**

"Hello! I write for The Sun, yes the newspaper! I was wondering if you'd – no, I quite understand. Thank you anyway, Sir."

"Excuse me, would you be willing to – no of course, right, yes you're very busy."

"Good morning! Could I – oh."

Rita Skeeter was not accustomed to being ignored. She had a story to write and she was determined to write it. She was young, pretty and very blonde, yet no one seemed to want to talk to her.  
Having been born and raised in a London suburb, she was very unused to the rather abrupt manners of these country bumpkins and was rather confused at the dirty looks people were giving her fuchsia skirt suit.

"Excuse me, sir," she approached one, greasy looking man with a sallow face. "I work for the Sun and I-"

"Is that the one with page 3?"

"Erm, yes sir, but we are also-"

"Mighty fine newspaper – keep it up." And the man walked away.

"Well, fuck," Rita Skeeter whispered to herself. She hadn't been working in journalism for long and had to do a lot of sucking up to be recognised as a serious writer – as a fairly male working environment often generated suggestive jokes towards a _female_ writer.

She would just have to ambush someone. Ah, there was one weak looking boy. "Excuse me, good morning!" she trilled, rushing over.

The boy looked at her confusedly. "Err, hello?"

"Hello dear, what's your name now?"

"Remus Lupin, can I-"

"Lovely. Now, Mr Lupin, do you feel that the young homosexual, who I understand was very badly beaten at a party last week, deserved it for being a carrier of AIDS?"

"What?! I-"

"So you think that homosexuality isn't a risk to our modern day society?"

"No! I think…"

"So, as a general consensus, you believe that the majority of this village was more than happy to mingle among a diseased individual?"

Suddenly, Remus blanched and stood up a little straighter. "They are _not_ all diseased and I know for a fact that this village does not ostracize those with diseases," there he faltered a little, "Most of them anyway."

"Wicked woman!" Mrs Sprout yelled across the street. "Leave that poor boy alone. In fact, just leave! We won't answer your sick questions!"

"Hear, hear," chimed in Mr Fenwick.

Soon, Rita Skeeter had been asked by several people (some more politely than others) to leave them be – as such, she felt it necessary to look for answers elsewhere. She plumped up her curls and walked away, high heels clicking on the flagstone pavement.

* * *

She had taken extra care of her appearance today. The last time most people had seen her, she had been dirty and wet and very upset. Lily rolled her skirt neatly, made sure her tie was neat (her uniform became dishevelled by the end of the day, no matter what she did) and lined her eyes neatly with kohl, brushed mascara on her lashes and put some gloss on her lips. Eyebrows pruned, spots gone and her long red curls tumbling down her shoulders and back – she was ready.

She walked quickly to school, having already called Dorcas to say that she would meet her there. She was not in the mood for idle chitchat.

As she neared the entrance she saw Sirius, in his usual spot, having a cigarette before McGonagall came and shouted at him. She took a deep breath, then marched over to him.

"Sirius."

He turned round with a smirk which soon faded as he saw her standing there. "Oh."

"Can I talk to you?"

He nodded and they went round the side to a secluded corner. She stared at her feet and cleared her throat before beginning. "I don't feel like that, about you Sirius."

He raised a brow. "Like what?"

"You know."

"Do I?"

"Sirius, _please_."

He stopped battling with her and fell silent.

She breathed in again. "You've always been there. I've known you for as long as I can remember. You're selfish, you can be cruel and more times than I can count I have seen you bullying people. Yet, you've also helped me, been kind and comforted me when I've been upset."

He said nothing.

"Sirius – we're not meant to be, not like that at least. But – but I'd really love to be your friend."

He stared at her, puffed on his cigarette and blew the smoke out in one long stream. Minutes ticked by in silence. Then he leaned close.  
"I know you think you're being kind, you're trying to do the right thing," he began, "and I also know that I never should have kissed you last night."

Lily blushed. He continued. "However," his breath was warm and heavy, "I can't think of anything worse than being your friend."

He left, leaving Lily gasping and forced to lean heavily against the wall for a little while, before she could move again.

* * *

She couldn't concentrate. The day was getting worse by the minute. She had been told off by McGonagall and couldn't focus on what she was doing in her lessons. Every few minutes he snagged her attention, when he laughed or chewed the end of his pencil. That irritating way he messed up his hair.

She soon saw her chance at break when he told his friends he had to grab a book from the library and would meet them outside soon.

Lily followed him all the way to the shelf he was looking for, before grabbing him when they were near a deserted area and tugging him to the secret nook she had discovered for wanting to be alone – in the section on crop rotation, which got few visitors except for the occasional lost soul who wandered there by mistake.

"Evans?"

He blinked at her confusedly, before laughing uneasily. "Honestly Evans, you really needn't resort to ambushing me."

"James, I need too-"

"You could approach me like a normal person, you know we don't need to feel awkward about this."

"James, I really need to tel-"

"I mean after all, we are mature and we should both be able to decide-"

"James, we forgot a condom."

The wry smile that had been playing round his lips ran away from him as he turned white and began to choke on his words.

"James?" she crossed her arms and leaned back against the shelving.

He continued to stare at her, his mouth now forming an 'o' and she could see him running through the whole drunken encounter in his head.  
Slowly he sank to the ground and placed his head in his hands. He began shaking his head from side to side as he murmured to himself.  
"fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck….."

Lily crouched down awkwardly, and nudged him. "James?"

Her only reply was a muffled sort of screech, similar to the sound a mating fox makes.

"James, I need you to look at me."

He raised his head slowly. Spots of fuchsia were appearing on each cheek and his glasses were foggy. He opened his mouth, then swallowed, then he clenched his fist tightly and banged the wall as hard as he could.

"OH, FUCK!"

"James, that was just bloody stupid!"

He continued to nurse his hand.

"I don't know why you're so bloody upset – I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences of this!"

Finally, he looked at her and spoke. "Do you… do you, y'know, know?"

She scowled. "No!" then she sighed, "Look, we won't know anything until I get my period," James shuddered, "If. If I don't," they both shuddered, "then we, we can try and get a test."

"Okay," he inhaled sharply, "okay. How long until you, until you… y'know?"

"I think… I mean I'm not sure, but it should be 11 days."

"11 days."

"11 days."

"Okay." He dragged his hand down his cheek and paused to clean his glasses. Then he leant forward and took her hands in his. His voice became even lower than before. "I, I want you to know," he swallowed, "that I'll stand by you. No matter… no matter what."

Lily couldn't say anything. She felt the knot form in her throat, then had to sniff loudly to stop the burning behind her eyes to not leak out. Instead she threaded her fingers through James's and leaned her head against his.

They sat there for a little while, staring at each other's hands whilst practically brow to brow. Lily couldn't quite believe it, for the feeling was so alien to her now, but in those short few minutes she felt safer than she had in a long time.

* * *

Alice was petrified. She kept wringing her hand, she was sweating profusely and she could feel the collar of her shirt sticking to the back of her neck. She could feel the fine hairs on her scalp begin to stand up and knew that she would look a mess by the time she was called. Frantically, she tried to calm her appearance but ended up looking more disheveled than before.  
Eventually, she gave up. There was not much to be done.

It was whilst she was inspecting some blue ink on her shirt that she became aware of someone watching her. Her head snapped up and she saw the forbidding figure of Mr Rätsel – the man who wanted to question her. He was looking at her disdainfully, as if he already knew all her answers and scorned her for them.

"Miss Prewett?" his voice was smooth and slightly unsettling.

She jumped up, smoothing down her skirt and patting her hair once more. He raised a brow at her and stepped back to let her into the office he was using. Quickly, she scurried in and took a seat on the other side of the desk. He slowly walked to the other side of the desk, easing himself into his chair before looking at her with a thoughtful expression in his dark eyes.  
The scrutiny lasted for an uncomfortable length of time, until he eventually cleared his throat and leaned forward to regard a file in front of him.

"You are Alice May Prewett?"

She licked her lips nervously. "Yes."

"Born 1970 to Eileen Prewett and Jacob Prewett?"

"Yes."

"Good," he shuffled some papers then clasped his hands under his chin, still staring with that dark gaze. "It was at your house, that the so-called party where Edward Bones was attacked took place?"

"Yes – my brothers and I, we throw them often. People like our parties. They have… they have fun."

"Fun? So, Miss Prewett, you think people found it fun to see someone beaten and bleeding in the street?"

Alice blushed deeply, struggling to form a coherent sentence. "n-No! No! That was the first time anything like that happened, it was so, so awful! We… we don't think we will hold more parties. Not for a long time."

He didn't respond, merely moving onto the next question. "Did you see Mr Bones at any time before the attack?"

"I saw him heading outside and was about to say goodbye, but my friend came over upset, so I didn't get to."

"Who was this friend? What were they upset about?"

"Um - Lily. Lily Evans. She had an argument with a boy in our class and was crying. She didn't say about what."

"Mm. Do you think homosexuality is right, Miss Prewett?"

Alice could feel herself getting hotter and hotter. She felt uncomfortable and could feel the muscles tensing in her legs, trying to flee, to get out from under those malevolent eyes. "I really don't have a problem with it."

"Did you have any knowledge of the attack?"

"Of course not!"

Mr Rätsel merely raised a brow and shook his head intermittently.

"Was there underage drinking at this party?"

"I…"

The questioning continued for another 20 minutes. By the time she left, Alice was shaking and could feel saliva swelling in her mouth. Her brothers were sitting outside – they looked obviously shaken by her agitated appearance and rightfully puzzled as she flapped a hand at them before rushing past.

As soon as she reached the bathroom she found herself kneeling in front of the lines of sinks, the cool and unforgiving rims pressing into her forehead as she screamed, clawing at her cheeks in desperation. The loosened mascara around her eyes stung as tears streamed down her face.  
She couldn't cope, she was crumbling and no one seemed to see. She could feel her hands trembling, something that happened often now.  
This wasn't meant to be her?! She was Alice, she was dependable and strong. She never showed too much emotion and she always worked hard. Adults liked her, teachers appreciated her and her classmates always valued her. No one ever saw how _useless_ she was, how fractured she had become. It was probably because she never let them see. She felt as if an integral part of herself had been smeared together with something wrong and twisted and she didn't know how to fix it.

"Hello?" someone knocked on the door.

Alice jumped, hurriedly wiping away her tears and jumping up just as Frank Longbottom stuck his head round the door. He smiled awkwardly when he saw her, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, sorry, I know this is the girl's loo but I heard…" he trailed off, looking at her red face and sticky cheeks.

Alice sniffed. "You shouldn't be in here."

Frank slowly closed the door and looked at his hands uncomfortably. "Do you – do you want a hug?"

Alice thought for a moment. He looked sincere and she knew he wouldn't press her. She nodded briefly and let him pull her into his lanky arms. He was surprisingly warm and he was able to rest his chin on her head, tucking him into her neck. _He smells like ginger,_ Alice thought to herself, relishing the subtly spicy smell and the comforting feeling of being hugged by someone.

They stayed like that for quite a while, until he eventually pulled back and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Come on," he slung an arm around her shoulders, "Let's get you a cup of tea. My treat."

* * *

Remus didn't know when they had started sitting together, they just had. They sat together whenever they could in classes too. They played tricks on people and had inside jokes. They had become… friends? Remus had never had many friends. His condition prevented that. He dreaded telling them, but he couldn't evade the questions or ignore the confused looks forever.

They were friends, Remus decided.

So that was why it was odd that Sirius would barely look James in the eye. It was also odd that James wasn't saying anything. James never shut up. Instead, he stared at his cottage pie and occasionally drummed his fingers against the side of the tray.  
Sirius wasn't staring at his pie. He was devouring it, shoving food in his mouth so that he couldn't take part in any conversation.  
Peter was struggling to make small talk and was looking worriedly at his new protectors.

Finally, Remus had had enough.

"Oi."

No on looked at him.

"Guys."

Sirius glanced at him fleetingly before going back to his food. James just prodded a knot on the table.

Remus took a deep breath. "OI, WANKERS!"

They all jumped, looking at him in shock whilst the surrounding tables burst into laughter. Sirius unconsciously swallowed his food and Peter looked quite scared of him.

When the giggles from behind them had finally quieted Remus began. "Right. I've got your attention now. So here's what I have to say," he could feel himself burning up as he talked, "I don't know what's happened with you two, but don't make me and Pete suffer for it. Sort out your shit, then come back so we can be mates again."  
With that, he looked abashed and cleared his throat.  
"That is, if you agree we're mates."

James smiled weakly. "Yeah, we're mates."

Peter nodded and Sirius grunted his approval.

They sat awkwardly for a second, before slowly starting to talk again. The meal became far more enjoyable and when it was over, Sirius and James went to have a chat, whilst Remus and Peter went to the classroom and played chess.

* * *

Sirius and James stood together awkwardly, looking at the sheeting rain that had started an hour ago.

Sirius, who couldn't handle hard situations without a cigarette, retrieved one from his pocket and offered the pack to James, who accepted one.

Puffing smoke into the frigid air, they saw it mingle with their breath. Autumn had arrived and though it felt like winter, no one could deny the fact that many people were refusing to give up on summer just yet. The boys were two, stupid examples of this. Shivering, the two boys turned up their jacket collars against the wind and huddled themselves against the wall.

Sirius spoke. "I kissed Lily last night."

"Oh," said James, feeling curiously angry.

"I didn't mean to. It just happened. She told me this morning she didn't like me that way."

James nodded and felt a little creature in his chest begin to purr smugly. "Sorry about that mate."

Sirius just shrugged, "I needed to tell you. I was a hypocrite."

This time, James looked at him shocked. "What I did was way worse, mate," Sirius smiled sadly and shook his head but James persevered, flicking away the cigarette. "No, it was. And I'm sorry it happened. I never wanted to hurt you and you never wanted to hurt me. We just made mistakes, s'all."  
He ran his hand through his hair. "We're even now."

Sirius's customary smirk returned and he threw his fag into the rain. "Even."

They looked at each other for a second, before launching into an awkward, one armed hug. They squeezed each other tightly before breaking apart and snorting at themselves.

The bell rang and they went inside.

* * *

James had been keeping calm all day. He had done that by not running his mouth and by refraining from the usual banter with his friends.

The truth was, he was shitting himself. He had told Lily he would stand by her but he was terrified. What would his mother say? She would be so disappointed.  
Did Lily have any brothers? They'd probably kill him. Dear god, he knew hardly anything about her.  
How would Sirius react? He'd be heartbroken.

Different scenarios kept running through his head, the guilt and stress there would be, the awful life their child would have and the general fuck ups he would make as a parent.

James would be a terrible father, he knew that. Small children liked him but he wasn't sure if he liked them.

What about if the baby got sick? How would they know what to do?

What if Lily ended up resenting him or leaving him with the baby?

No, Lily wouldn't do that.

Despite every nightmare in his head, James couldn't help imagining himself sitting in the big armchair in his parent's house. The one his father had sung lullabies to him in and where his mother had cuddled him when he had cried or been upset, no matter how old he had been. He imagined a little girl with big hazel eyes and a head of ruby curls, bewitching him with her smile. He imagined a little boy with a shock of black hair, standing up on all ends like his and his mother's beautiful emerald eyes beaming at him with unfettered adoration.

Wait.

What?

Fuck, James thought. He needed to sleep. Or to punch something. Or to get drunk. Maybe not, though.

This was infecting his mind, he could barely look at Lily without imagining a life together, maybe 10 years in the future…. Him balancing a toddler on his shoulders as an excited child ran circles around them, Lily round with a third child and looking at him like she loved him.

Fuckity fuck.

As soon as school was over he sped out of the building, waving goodbye to his friends and ignoring the farewells he got from other classmates.

He'd gotten half way up the road when he heard a voice muffled by the rain. "James!"

Lily was struggling to catch up to him, panting, her hair plastered to her face. "James."

"Yeah?"

"C-could," her teeth were chattering, "could we g-go somewhere?"

James followed her to the deserted playground, where there was a small sheltered hut for parents to perch in. What a terrible place to choose, he thought.

Lily tucked her sopping hair behind her ears and looked at him earnestly. Her uniform was dishevelled, her skirt was lopsided and her tie was loose. She had pen marks on her hands and she was huddled in her jacket, bulging weirdly with her blazer under it. "I… I know we didn't have a proper conversation earlier and I…. how are you?"

James laughed huskily. "I'm fucking terrified. You?"

Lily snorted too. "Me too."

There were a few more minutes of silence before she spoke again. "Do you, do you think we'd be good parents?"

James puffed out a breath. "I don't know, Lily. What do we know about parenting?"

Lily looked disappointed. "I think we'd be okay."

James laughed again, only this time there was a dark edge to it. "Oh really Lily?" his voice suddenly swelled. "How the fuck would we be okay? We have barely any money, we'd be outcasts throughout the town and our child would be known as the fucking bastard!"

James was yelling now.

"I don't know how to look after a child! I'm not ready, I'm 17! For gods sakes, we'd just fight and fight and occasionally we'd end up drunk and shag, but then we'd end up resenting each other and would have to get married because of our parents and become the kind of people who are old before they're 30," He snarled at Lily. "So tell me then, how the fuck would we be okay?"

Suddenly she was yelling too. "You think I'm ready? I'm 17 too! I'm not ready to be a mother, to have the responsibility of a child! You think you'd get the most flack for this?" her voice went dangerously quiet, "No, James, I would. I'd be the slut, the whore. The pregnant teenager. The fuckup who couldn't even complete secondary education! So if you think that I am doing anything but trying to keep myself together, you can leave right now!"

As the words left her mouth, they both went silent. They fidgeted, then they mumbled some apologies. Lily sighed. "2 weeks. That's all."

James sniffed loudly all of a second, and Lily saw he had tears in his eyes. She stood on tiptoe, barely reaching his eyes, wiping them away under his glasses. He choked out another breathy chuckle. Then he looked straight at her.

"I'm so fucking scared."

She couldn't help herself. She threw her arms around him and clutched him to her desperately. "I know."

At some point, whilst they were hugging, their lips found each other and they began to kiss softly. Suddenly they were frantic, breathing heavily, a blur of lips and skin and tongue and teeth. James tugged them to the bench and placed his hands around her waist, feeling the curve as they led up to her breasts. Her hands were running up and down his chest, reaching up to entangle his hair, mapping out his shoulders as though she was trying to memorise him. He slid his hands up slowly to the side of her breasts, before reaching one hand behind her to play with the long loose strands of hair. They kissed like they would never stop, as if they needed each other like air.

They broke away eventually, gasping, their cheeks flushed whilst their arms had goosebumps.

They walked to the crossroads where their paths changed, holding hands. James gave her a small kiss goodbye, then watched her huddled figure wander down the road, bag in hand, towards the lights of her cottage. Then, he bowed his head against the lighter rain, and began the walk back home.

* * *

Sirius was bored. He had done his homework but was pretending to still do it. As long as he was working, his mother wouldn't let Bella or anyone interrupt him. It was his time of peace, before the games started.

Suddenly the sound of the front door came and Narcissa waltzed in, her hair still dry despite the weather, protected by the fashionable trench coat she wore. It was cut to display her figure to her best advantages and her red lipstick was unsullied as she beamed at the room. "Oh Auntie, I have wonderful news!"

Sirius stiffened. His pulse quickened and he longed to leave.

He was preparing himself for the worst when Cissy laughed and pulled a tall man into the room with her. "This is Lucius! He's asked me to marry him, auntie."

Walburga immediately began to wail her congratulations as the room dissolved into giggles and felicitations.

Sirius did not move. He was too busy staring at the haughty man in the doorway. The man was looking at him too, cold, pale grey eyes daring him to say something. Anything.

He could not.

That sheet of white blond hair – oddly similar to Narcissa's – was unmistakeable.

Sirius had seen this man before. He had seen him standing under a street lamp on the night of the party. He had seen him observing the chaos with a look of complete detachment. Sirius had also seen the blood staining the man's shoes and the smeared red marks that had been washed off his face by the downpour.

His shoes had been polished, Sirius could see, yet there were slight discolorations in the expensive leather still.

Lucius Malfoy had helped beat and destroy an innocent boy, one who was now nothing more than an empty husk.

He stared at Sirius for a few more seconds, before his pallid lips curved into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you, as always, to anyone who has read this chapter. I'm sorry it is so late, but as school has started again my updates may be a bit scattered now.**

 **To anyone who is or knows someone affected by either Hurricane Irma, the spreading wildfires, the earthquake in Mexico, the conflict in Myanmar or the floods in India, Nepal or Bangladesh, my and the thoughts of everyone I know are with you and we are all hoping that all these nightmares are soon over! I cannot offer any consolation worthwhile, but I felt this was important to say.**

 **TrueHomiePiP, thank you so much for your brilliant review! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story and hope you'll continue to read it! I agree that this is probably very similar to how Harry would have been conceived in canon, seeing as Lily and James would have been 19 when Lily got pregnant** **! Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

 **Covered in Bruises review was fair, I did say it was a Jily fic and everyone is entitled to their own opinion so I can't hate on that. To defend myself though – this is very AU and Sirius would have known Lily for way longer than James would've. Nothing is ever simple with relationships and to be honest, I've always felt like least one of the other Marauders would have had a crush on Lily.**

 **Anyway, thank you all again and please, please review! I need reviews to cheer me up now that summer is over – unless it's a review saying this story is terrible, but constructive criticism is welcome too. Have a brilliant week!**


	6. The Arguments of Old

**A/N: This story is now over 50 pages (on a word document) and has gotten nearly 500 views! This might seem a bit pathetic to you all but it's a big deal for me because this is the furthest I've ever gotten with a story :D! Hope you all enjoy this chapter x**

* * *

 **The Arguments of Old**

Lily knew she was not ready to be a mother. She knew it was their own stupid fault, but that didn't change the fact she didn't deserve this.  
Her period still hadn't come and she still had a few days, but it had now gotten to the point that she was doing sums to work out the cost of a baby and wondering on the best type of perambulator to get.

If she was in this situation then she would make the bloody best out of it.  
Or that was what she told herself, as she scrutinised her body in the mirror.

Her school uniform was draped over the comfy chair squeezed into the corner of the room, as she crouched in front of the mirror that she had bought 4 years ago. Her father had said he would put it up – he still hadn't gotten around to it.

Was she bloated? Was that just from stress? Were her breasts tender because of her cycle or was it….

Fuck.

She breathed in, then out. In, out. Focused on the little mark in the wall. Remembered how to move. Unwrapped her arms from where they had instantly snuck around her skinny legs.

The panicking was recent – Lily had always panicked, she had the type of personality that did – but now she panicked often. She would forget how she functioned, where she was and how she got there. Her chest grew tight and she would feel hot and cold all at once.

She needed to calm down, to stop thinking about the possible parasite in her belly and to mature slightly. She wouldn't get anywhere like this.

James had become a bit of a rock really. They weren't sure what they were; they would meet in private places and talk. Sometimes they would hold hands, or steal kisses.  
Lily didn't think there was a word to define them, she just knew he made her happy.

* * *

Alice was surprised when she heard someone call her name. She had been trudging to school, looking like hell and had suddenly heard someone calling her.

As she looked around, she saw none other than Frank Longbottom jogging up to her.

Frank.

Frank who had found her crying in a bathroom and who had let her hug him.

Frank who she had been avoiding like the plague.

"Oh…" she stuttered, "Frank! Sorry, I've got to-"

"Go to school?" his grin was purely golden – there was no ill intention or other emotion clouding it.

"Well… yes." She said sheepishly, ashamed of her lying skills.

"Oddly enough, me too. I just wanted to ask," suddenly his cheeks began to colour and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Err, I wanted to ask you if…"

She raised her eyebrows and waited for him to formulate his answer. "Frank, we really do need to get to school."

"I know," the blush had taken over his face and now he was radish red. "I wanted to ask, i-if you would, if you'd like to go out with me?"

Silence fell. He got redder, as Alice went paler and they both stared at each other in shock.

"What, like a date?"

If it was possible, he got even redder. "Yeah."

She could feel her thoughts racing, but before she knew it the words slipped off her tongue. "Okay, yeah."

His beautiful grin was back, lighting up his face and being mirrored in her own. "Brilliant!" he was practically jumping with excitement, before suddenly darting forward and scooping her into a hug.

Some people across the street wolf whistled, but for once Alice didn't care.

She was warm in his arms. She was safe and for the first time in a long while, she wasn't regretting her decision.

* * *

"Wotcher."

Sirius raised his brows and nodded hello to the girl who had just joined him from his customary position – leaning against the wall.

"Wotcher."

Marlene smiled, her lips coated in bright red and her long dark hair perfectly curled. She had forgone her blazer for a jacket with patches and was sporting dark sunglasses – despite the gloomy sky.  
She nodded to Sirius's fag.

"You should really quit."

He nodded at the lighter she had poking out of her pocket.

"So should you."

She snorted, tossing back her hair. "I smoke when necessary – you smoke all the time. Are you unable to function without nicotine?"

He chuckled too, a dry and barking laugh. "Maybe."

Marlene shrugged before holding out her lighter. "Lend me one, would you?"

Sirius laughed again and fished out the packet from his jacket. "You're not too bad, McKinnon," he mumbled past his cigarette, "You're not too bad."

She smiled again, before eyeing him up and down. "You're not so bad yourself, Black."

* * *

The entire form of 7L (minus Remus) had their mouths hanging open in shock when none other than Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black walked in together (ten minutes after the bell) and proceeded to banter through the register.

They talked like friends – or at least acquaintances, teasing each other and making faces over McGonagall's shoulder.

Peter was aghast. Sirius was never friends with girls – he found them giggly and annoying.

Benjy was bemused – he would enjoy gossiping about this later.

Mary was in shock – Marlene had always said Sirius was stupid.

Dorcas was smirking – she was already leaping to conclusions.

Alice and Frank were ignoring the rest of them, just occasionally stealing glances with each other.

James and Lily were avoiding each other's gazes completely.

* * *

Peter, Sirius and James had trudged all the way from school to the cottage on Mulberry Street and were now standing on the doorstep nervously, whilst they all pretending not to be.

"You knock."

"You knock!"

"I'll bloody knock!"

"Go on then, knock."

"No. You knock."

Just then – to their relief and dismay – the door opened to reveal Mrs Lupin in a flowery apron and the smell of baking floating out of the house.

"Oh," she seemed shocked to see three boys on her doorstep, "hello dears. Can I help you?"

"Errrr…." Sirius stepped forward and gave her his most charming smile. "Sorry to disturb you Mrs Lupin, we were just wondering if we could inquire after Remus?"

She smiled awkwardly; it did not reach her eyes. "Well, I can ask him if he'd like to see you – would you like to come inside?"

They trundled in and were ushered into a small, slightly shabby yet very clean kitchen.

Mrs Lupin made them all tea and insisted on cutting them all large slices of sponge cake, before she trotted upstairs. They heard her voice above them, then a faint murmur and the sound of footsteps coming back down. When she re-entered, she folded her hands together and fidgeted nervously.

"I'm afraid he's not up to it right now – could I take a message from you all?"

"Yes, thank you," said Sirius.

"That would be lovely," said James.

Peter opened his mouth and sprayed cake crumbs everywhere, earning him looks of disgust from everyone and causing him to stay very quiet until he had swallowed.

They asked if they could borrow some paper and a pen, then all crowded around to write their letter.

 _Dear Remus_ ("You can't write that, it's too girly!" – "Shut up, Sirius.") _,_

 _We're sorry you're still not feeling well, but we can promise that you're not missing much._

 _Peter is still the same as he was, Sirius is still annoying_ ("Oi!") _and I am still as perfect as always._

 _Your mum is lovely – and her cake is brilliant. Please tell her how much we liked it._

 _We don't want to intrude, but we'd love to come see you soon – when you're better. We can drop off any schoolwork you need and we're happy to pick you up anything from the shops._

 _News from today: Frank asked out Alice and she said yes, Sirius is being chummy with Marley and the lot up the hill are trying to cause trouble again. Dumbledore is still mad as a hat and McGonagall ignores how strongly Sirius smells of smoke in the mornings now. The detective_ ("What was his name?" – "I don't know. Something German.") _is still sniffing around and lots of people don't like it._

 _It's very cold today. You probably know that. It was cold all last week too._

 _We don't really know what to say, and we know we're terrible letter writers but we_ _miss you_ _like you think you're alright_ _hope you feel better soon._

 _We've been trying to think of a nickname, 'cause we think we're pretty good mates by now. I know it hasn't been long, but it feels like I've known you all for a while. It sounds cheesy – Sirius hates this but me and Pete think it's good – but how about the 'Marauders'? I feel like it represents our group's morals pretty well, don't you think?_

 _Anyway, GET WELL SOON!_

 _From, The Marauders (minus 1)._

* * *

Sirius was in a good mood when he was walking home. James had promised his mother that he would get some jam from the shop, so he was walking alone. He was worrying about Remus, but all the same he felt happy knowing he had proper friends now. People who liked to spend time with him – god knows why.

"Who needs love when you've got mates?" he asked himself.

"You tell me."

He whirled around to see that familiar face behind him.

"Alright, Marlene?"

"Alright. You stalking me?"

He snorted. "You wish, love. Unfortunately I live," he pointed behind him, "up there, so I have to walk up there to get home."

"Ah," she smiled, "looks more like I'm stalking you then."

"'T'would appear so."

They stayed in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, she spoke again.

"So, who you in love with then?"

He laughed in shock. "You serious?"

"No, you are."

He couldn't help but grin, ready to retort with an equally terrible pun until a smooth, cold voice slithered through the air.

"Consorting with the riff-raff, Black?"

Lucius Malfoy stood behind them. He leaned on his silver topped cane, his hair tied in a ponytail and his suit austere and unwrinkled.

Sirius turned and sneered at him. "No, after all we don't talk much at all, Malfoy."

Lucius smiled again, his grey eyes remaining blank flint chips in his face.

"It wouldn't be wise, Black, to insult me. I have far more friends in good places than you and we both know Narcissa trusts me _implicitly_."

Sirius was shaking slightly. He knew Marlene could see him shake, could see his cowardice plain as day but in that moment all he wanted was to grab her hand and flee. To run as far from that place as he could. To get away from this snake in a suit.

"I've told you," his voice came out gruff, "I want no part in whatever you're doing. Leave me be."

Lucius came closer, forcing the teenagers further down the hill. "You could be great, you could be one of _us_. You could belong… for once…." He hissed out.  
Suddenly his eyes darted behind Sirius once more. "Cut away all your village sluts, Black. Join us."

Marlene stepped forward and held up a hand. Her eyes were stormy and there was no tremble in her voice. "Leave."

Malfoy laughed, and then suddenly found himself jerking backwards as a hand came swinging towards him, nails just grazing his cheek.

He stared up at the girl, clutching his face. She merely stared him down.

"Leave."

He straightened, spat at the ground and walked away.  
They watched him walk away. Somehow, Marlene's hand found Sirius's.

"I won't tell," she whispered.

He nodded, then withdrew his hand hurriedly. "Mm."

They stood there for a little while. Marlene felt as if she should say something, but words seemed difficult. She had no idea what she had accidentally witnessed – nor did she want to. Yet she felt strangely protective over Sirius. She had known him for a long time, and she had seen how lonely he looked.  
Even with his friends, he looked lonely.

Suddenly, Sirius turned with his customary rakish grin on his face.

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?"

"Wh-what?!" Marlene stammered as she was tugged out of her thoughts.

"It's a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yes, McKinnon. Perhaps you've heard of them before."

"But-"

"Yes?"

She stared at him, before realising that she would not get anything out of him, and relenting. "Alright, what's the difference?"

He leaned in close, so that she could feel his breath against her neck as he whispered the answer.

"Snowballs."

She shot back, stared at him in disbelief, before dissolving into laughter that echoed amongst the houses. She couldn't stop laughing until quite a while later, where she wiped tears away and grinned.

"That was terrible! Alright, I've got one for you…"

* * *

Over the next week, none of 7L became any the wiser as to what was going on. Marlene and Sirius were still being nice to each other, they weren't apparently shagging and they had an easy familiarity that seemed odd after not long being in a real friendship.

"Oi! Black! Psssst!" Marlene called to the neighbouring table.

Sirius leaned into the aisle and she whispered in his ear – blissfully unaware of everyone watching them.

"What d'you call a sleeping werewolf?"

Sirius shrugged, grinning up at her with a gleam in his eye.

"What?"

"An _unaware-wolf_!"

Sirius laughed so loudly that McGonagall gave him detention.

* * *

The day passed peacefully after that, everyone did their best to get along. They sat together, as a large group at lunch.  
Frank and Alice sat next to each other, thinking no one noticed.  
Sirius and Marlene were kicking each other under the table.  
Peter was subtly supporting Remus, who was visibly drooping.  
Mary and Dorcas tried to initiate conversation between James and Lily, and failed.

They all got along reasonably well – which was more than they normally did. It was going swimmingly, until the entire school jumped at a loud voice yelling through the hallways.

"YOU STUPID GIRL!"

Everyone jumped up to see what was going on, rushing into the corridor where they were confronted with a girl crying on the floor and Mr Rätsel screaming at her.

"IMBECILE! Could you possibly be more of a DISGRACE?"

The girl was cowering away from the man, and who could blame her?  
Rätsel's face was bone white. His eyes had gone to narrow slits and his nose was flattened against his skull. Spittle flew as he screamed and everyone cried out as he flung his clipboard down, narrowly missing her.

"I will ask you, ONE MORE TIME!"

"WHAT on EARTH, is going on here?"

McGonagall came storming in, a face like thunder.

Mr Rätsel smirked at her. "Sorry about this Minerva, but this blubbering half-wit is withholding information."

"This is no way to treat a student! I will not stand for it!"

"Frankly, old woman, I do not _care_. I am part of an official investigation – I cannot have people think they can disrespect-"

" **Enough**."

The voice was so quiet, that nearly everyone was surprised by the arrival.

Dumbledore stood at the end of the hall, his frame silhouetted by the light filtering in.

Rätsel gaped at him. "Dumbledore, I-"

"You will remove yourself from the premises."

"Come now, be reasonable-"

"Reasonable?" the old man was shaking with rage. "A child is crying on the ground. You are to blame. How am I not being reasonable?"

Rätsel merely gawped at him, disjointed sounds coming from his mouth.

Dumbledore bowed his head and spoke once more. "You will leave this school. You will not return, until I bid you. If I deem it appropriate, you may continue your interviews in this establishment. You will be supervised during these interviews. Have I made myself clear?"

With that, he nodded and left.

Mr Rätsel awkwardly picked up his things and strode out, avoiding everyone's gaze.

No one laughed. No one cheered.  
No one said a thing.

* * *

They had just finished Chemistry. The school was emptying out. Not many people were left from the lower years. The day which had gone so well had been tarnished somewhat by the events of that lunch. Many people were confused – the crying girl was sent home.

Snape was still there.

Indeed, he was unable to move.

After all, he had just seen James Potter bump into Lily Evans as they walked out of the classroom – and when he thought no one was looking, he had sneakily grabbed her hand for a squeeze.

But someone had been looking.  
He knew it was a bad idea, but he was far too angry to think.

* * *

James was in a good mood – Remus was back, he was with his mates and he was in a fairly good place with Lily.

What could go wrong?

That was, until, someone came running up behind him and pushed him roughly. He stumbled, breaking out of his group of friends and swivelling to yell at the person who had pushed him. His face went slack when he saw-

"Severus?"

Snape's eyes were burning, his face was wan and his face was contorted into a sneer.

"Snape, what the hell?!"

Severus merely went to push him again, missing him as James backed up quickly.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"I think you know," he snarled.

James shook his head bewildered. "Alright," he snapped, shrugging off his blazer, "you want to do this?"

James shoved him against a wall, seeing the people starting to gather and yell.

Snape ran at him, their arms locking and they wrestled onto the ground.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" the onlookers cheered, some whooping as James shoved Snape to the floor.

Remus looked ill. Peter was laughing and shaking at the same time. Sirius made a move to intervene – then settled back against the wall.

"Alright Snivvy?" James laughed.

He kicked him in the side and jeered as Snape groaned in pain.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"STOP!"

Everyone span round. Lily stood at the end of the hallway, a mirror of Dumbledore earlier that day.

She looked at James, then at the ground, before meeting his eyes and shaking her head before walking away.

James sprinted after her, bursting through the front doors she had just hurried through and desperately calling her name.

"Lily!"

She kept walking.

"Lily," he caught up with her and grabbed her shoulder, swinging her round to face him. She wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"Lily I'm so, so, sorry but please – can't we talk about this? Please, we were going to do something after school anyway, please just talk to me…"

She was worrying at her lip, staring at the pavement until she cleared her throat and whispered something.

"How could you?"

James had nothing to say.

"I… I thought you were different. I trusted you."

"Lily, I…"

She just shook her head. "I'm always getting hurt James, and I'm so sick of it."

Her beautiful, beautiful, green eyes snapped up to his and James felt hollow at the sadness he saw there.

She sighed, starting to back away. "I'm not pregnant, James."

He stared at her in shock, both equally relieved and shaken.

She turned around and walked away from him faster.

"And frankly right now, I've never been more glad of anything."

James watched her go, her hair dancing over her back as she hurried, whilst he bit his tongue to stop the prickling behind his eyes.

* * *

 **A/N: Well. This is very, very, very late. Sorry about that. Life has decided to be... busy, at the moment.** _ **Please**_ **, actually read these notes? They do have a purpose? Several people seem pissed about the James/Sirius storyline and can I please remind you – this is fiction and very non-canon and I _have_ explained this before. **

**TrueHomiePip – wow you're a dedicated reviewer – thank you so much for all your kind words and I agree with all the points you made – James and Lily would be** _ **terrible**_ **parents at this point in time – Harry will just have to wait a bit longer to exist ;). Thank you again and I hope you keep reading.**

 **Branson - I completely see your point and your opinion is very fair - and I don't doubt that if this was canon then James would have murdered Sirius and thrown his body in a lake. However, as I've said before this isn't canon and Sirius has known Lily for way longer than James and James is a bit of a twat at this point. Sirius isn't acting the most rationally, but he's going through a lot and has some… issues he needs to work out with himself. I'm sorry if you're not enjoying this storyline but things will change and I really hope you'll keep reading! Thank you loads.**

 **Thank you anyone who has read and has enjoyed! This chapter isn't the best, but it covered some things which needed to be covered for the story to progress. A lot of things are going wrong in my life at the moment and this story is keeping me going, so anyone who does take the time to read it, thank you so much.**


	7. A Smile in her Eye

**A/N: Sorry this so late, life has been busy. Thank you to anyone who read the last chapter and who is still sticking with this odd little story.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline.**

* * *

 **A Smile in her Eye**

The air smelt crisp and alive – the first frost had coated the earth that morning and the rain had held off for a few days, making the air dry and clear. People huddled up in scarves, their fingers turning pink in the cold. Breath came out in pearly white clouds, insubstantial against the blank shadows of the trees.

The bus stop was dirty, it had cigarettes and bottle tops littered around and had that hopeless air that so many bus stops seem to have.

It smelt of the old women that crouched in it, waiting to go to the hospitals. The drunk people who were sick in the street. The teenagers, striving to go someplace else.

Yet the woman who stood in it now was not hopeless – she felt victorious.

Her lime green suit was perfectly ironed and far too smart for bus travel and her fur lined coat was getting odd looks from the people passing by. She merely grinned, red lips stretched out in a cartoon smile.

Rita Skeeter was smugger than she'd ever been – she knew she'd get a story, and she had just gotten the possible scoop of her career.

* * *

When Alice opened the door, she thought she was going to faint.

Frank was standing there, huddled up in a coat, hat and gloves and smiling timidly at her.

His eyes flickered up and down her and his smile became wider. "You ready?"

She grabbed her things and shut the door behind her. "Let's go."

She looped her arm through his and could feel how much he was beaming, without even having to look. A slow smile crept along her face too. It felt nice.

Frank cleared his throat. "Do-do you want to…to, erm, go to the tea room?"

Alice chuckled slightly – there really was nothing else to do. Friestan was downright dull for anyone under forty and many teenagers struggled to find activities once the summer had ended.

"That sounds lovely."

He smiled, relieved.

They made their way to the tea shop, the bell tinkling as they pushed open the door. Ignoring some of the looks they got, they made their way to the back, where they were seated next to the window, able to watch people passing in the street.

A waitress came over, they ordered a pot of tea to share. Frank ordered a slice of chocolate cake, Alice asked for a very small slice of carrot cake.

They fell into a comfortable silence, looking around the shop and at the leaves blowing around in the street.

The tea came, Alice poured. "Milk?"

"Yes please."

"Sugar?"

"No thanks, this is perfect."

They cupped their tea, warming their hands and meeting each other's eyes occasionally.

Finally, Frank spoke. "I've been… I've been wanting to ask you out for ages."

She grinned. "Really?"

"Yeah," he ruffled his hair, "but – I've just been too scared."

"Why?"

"Well," he looked down at his cup, "you've just always been so… I don't know – you've always seemed so happy. Alive. Beautiful. Out of my league, I guess."

"Frank," she put her hand on the table, reaching for his, "never think that. I'm so below you're league it's a joke." He snorted and she shook her head.

"I'm serious! I don't…"

She trailed off and Frank nudged her. "Hey. Let's forget about this. What's your favourite song?"

She bit her lip. "Promise you won't judge me?"

"Welllll….."

"Stop it!" they laughed, earning glares from around the room. "Fine, it's Abba. Name of the Game."

Frank stared at her for a few minutes, before biting his lip as hard as he could in an effort not to laugh.

She rolled her eyes and told him to stop it, before asking him the question back.

"Okay, okay," he snorted, "AC/DC, Let there be Rock."

She quirked a brow. "Interesting, how very interesting Mr Longbottom."

They then laughed even louder.

When they finally left, the tea having warmed them up and the cake fulfilling any sweet tooth either of them may have had, they stood at the crossroads – awkwardly saying goodbye.

Alice cleared her throat. "I had a lovely time."

"Me too," Frank chucked, "I don't – I don't suppose you'd like to it again?"

Alice felt as if she was floating on air. "Yes! I mean, that would be very nice."

Frank grabbed her hand in his and let out another nervous laugh. "Could-could I k-kiss you?"

Alice simply nodded and lifted her face to meet his.

It was a sweet, chaste kiss. There was no ulterior motive behind it – it felt honest and right. Alice couldn't help but notice the softness of his lips, the way his hands had awkwardly waved around until he cautiously put them on her back. She put hers on his shoulders, hoping for the moment to never end.

Alas, it did end. All things end, and that first perfect moment had gone now.

"Wow," Frank breathed.

Alice wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head under his chin. "Thank you for today, Frank. I've loved it."

She then lifted her head, planted a kiss on his cheek and hurried away, leaving him to grin soppily after her, before walking home – not before doing a celebratory leap into the air, then checking to see if anyone saw (and deciding he didn't care either way).

* * *

"Lily!" Petunia screeched her name from downstairs.

Lily ignored it.

Sudden footsteps sounded, clomping up the stairs. "LILY!"

Lily grabbed her pillow and shoved it over her head.

Suddenly the footsteps quickened and her door was slammed open. "LILY!"

"What?" she said blearily.

"You fucking well know what."

Lily sighed, removing the pillow from her head as she sat up. "No, Tuney, I really don't know what."

"You took my necklace didn't you? The one Vernon got me?"

"What? I-" suddenly Petunia started tearing through Lily's drawers, throwing papers on the floor. "TUNEY! Stop! I don't know where your – fucking – necklace – **is**!" she grunted out, as she wrestled her sister for the jewellery box Petunia had grabbed. They shook each other, shouting profanities until Petunia swiped her leg round the back of Lily's and managed to trip her onto her bed.  
Lily watched, seething, as Petunia shook out the entire box, emptying the entire contents on the desk. When she saw the necklace wasn't there, she threw the box on the bed, narrowly missing Lily, and stormed out.

"You're WELCOME!" Lily shouted, leaping off her bed to clear off the mess.

A few minutes later, a knock sounded at the door.

"What!" she barked out, fed up of Petunia's antics.

It surprised her that instead of the thin, manic form of her sister, the bobbed head of Mary McDonald poked round the door, her dark fringe falling in her eyes as she smiled timidly.

"Bad time?"

Lily shook her head, gesturing for her to come in. Mary skipped in, barely batting an eye at the mess and jumping on the bed.

"So," Mary breathed out.

Lily turned round to glare at her. "So…."

Mary merely smiled. "When are you going to tell us what's going on, then? It's not old Snivvy again, is it? 'Cos I've told you – he's not worth it. He's a bag of oil and poison that's been given human form."

Lily snorted, then shook her head. "No. I mean – not completely."

Mary leaned forward, propping up her head with her hands at the edge of the bed whilst Lily leaned against it. "Oh?"

Lily could feel it bubbling out of her. She had spoken to no-one (at least, no-one but James) and it was killing a little part of her. She was always honest with her friends and she couldn't bear not telling them.  
Before she knew what she was doing, she was whipping around and clutching Mary's hands.

"Can you keep a secret?" Mary looked shocked and began to nod but Lily clutched her hands even tighter. "I'm serious. You can't even tell Marly. Not yet."

"O-okay?" Mary looked quite scared – this was clearly not the reaction she had been expecting, but Lily knew that Mary was the least likely out of her friends to judge her.

She took a deep breath. "You remember the Prewett party? Before we all found Eddie? When I," she swallowed and Mary nodded, "When I came in, and told you I had… I had _been_ with James?" Mary nodded again, concern mixing into her features. "Well we were really drunk and it was a really big mistake, we both agreed on that."

"Course." Mary agreed, still unsure as to what Lily was getting at.

"Well, with everything that happened that night, I didn't think about it for a while. Then it hit me on the Sunday, when I was at the dinner table with my mum and sister." She felt as if her heart was in her mouth as she spoke. "And, and… what I remembered," words felt treacly and she was struggling to say it, "I remembered that we, that we, uh, that we forgot a condom."

Mary's face drained of colour. " _Lily_! You're not up the duff are you?" she whispered.

"I thought I was," Lily could still feel bile in her throat, "and that was the scariest two weeks of my life. I had to tell James, who got really freaked out, we had to start talking about what would happen if my period never came and I started imagining my life with this _baby_ , this human that I was responsible for, that I had to look after and feed and care for and I just…" She buried her head in her hands.

"Oh Lily, you goose!" Mary rubbed her shoulders. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't want you to know," she sniffled, "But there's more."

"Oh bloody hell," Mary frowned, "Don't tell me – you've decided to become a nun."

Lily laughed, wiping her eyes and moving up onto the bed to cuddle her friend.

"Well – I might actually consider it now, but that's not it. The thing is, me and James had to spend a lot of time together these past few weeks. We used to meet after school, talk for a while and he'd walk me home."

Mary's eyebrows were so far up her forehead that her fringe had hidden them. "Go on…"

"Well," Lily ran her hand through her hair, twirling it around and knotting it into a bun, "we, well we… kissed? A few times?"

" _LILY_!"

"I know!"

"Ooh, you naughty, naughty girl. Having a fling with your pregnancy scare partner."

"SHUSH! It wasn't like that! Anyway, I'm not speaking to him, I walked in on him kicking Severus in the hallway yesterday – he was on the ground, there was a crowd around him and he was yelling at him, kicking him like the great fucking bully that he is!"

Mary frowned. "You mean the fight after school? In the corridor?"

"Yes."

"Jesus, Lily!" Mary laughed, "That's hardly his fault! Snape went at him first!"

Lily's mouth fell open in shock. " _Severus_ did?!"

"Yes! Poor sod – defending himself and then getting shouted at by his one true love."

Lily hit her with a pillow, before clapping a hand to her face. "Oh Jesus. Mary I was so awful to him! I told him – in the middle of the street – that there was no baby, and that I was glad I wasn't having his child!"

Mary's mouth fell open in an 'o', as she tried to laugh and frown at the same time. "Didn't decide to go for tough love, then?"

"I need to apologize. Don't I?" Mary nodded and Lily frowned again. "What the hell was Severus up to?"

Mary dropped her voice again. "Have you… I mean, has he tried to talk to you about it?"

Lily shook her head. "No. I've told him I can't forgive him. I trusted him implicitly and he betrayed me."

The girls fell silent, until Mary jumped up, pulling Lily downstairs in a quest to find biscuits.

* * *

"James, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"I don't know – I'm not a hundred percent sure what I'm currently seeing."

James laughed and flung his arms out wide, swaying side to side as he looked at the upside down faces of his friends.

"James, get out of the tree."

"No."

"At least stop hanging like a bat, you're going to fall off."

"Nev- umph!"

Sirius suddenly grabbed his legs and pulled him off the branch, causing James to then land on Sirius and for the other two boys to find this very funny.

"Get off me, you great – pompous – arsehole!" Sirius wailed as they grappled with each other, trying to extricate themselves and somehow getting more tangled. Their long limbs flailed about – James looked like an overgrown Bambi.

They eventually pushed each other away, refusing to look each other in the eye and unsuccessfully ignoring their mates' laughter.

"Oi!" Sirius pushed Peter's shoulder gently, "Bet you can't throw your shoe at that branch."

"Which branch," Peter said, still snickering.

"That branch!" Sirius pointed at a very high up limb on the tree.

Remus snorted and doubled over. "He'll never reach it!"

Peter went puce, throwing himself down on the ground and untying his trainer laces. "I'll show you Lupin!"

He jumped up, whirling his shoe in his hand and lobbing it into the sky. The other three watched in astonishment as it went far further than they ever expected little Peter Pettigrew to be able to throw. It went up, up, up, smacking the intended branch head on – and ricocheting into the tree.

They waited for a little while. The shoe didn't emerge.

As quickly as he went puce, Peter went white. "Shite!"

Remus started laughing hysterically, and when James began too they couldn't help but dissolve into girlish giggles.

Sirius was snorting too, especially when Peter tried to climb up and couldn't get further than six feet up.

"Go on then, _your highness_ , it was your idea – you get the bloody shoe."

Sirius raised an eye, shucked off his jacket and flexed his shoulders. James emitted a noise like a dying cat.

Sirius merely stuck up his middle finger, before doing an ear-splitting battle cry and charging at the tree. He got further than Peter, it was true, but they all saw his cocky grin drop and how his body suddenly became stuck to the trunk of the tree as he looked down.

"Alright mate?"

"Erm. Yes. No. I can't move my legs."

For the thousandth time, they all burst into laughter again (despite the fact Sirius looked very ill) until they managed to coax him down eventually. As soon as he was on the ground, he grabbed his jacket, sat straddled on the grass and smoked a cigarette like it was his last.

"Great!" Peter huffed out, "Now what? My mum'll kill me!"

James patted him on the shoulder, announcing that it was his turn. He scaled the lower branches easily, deftly putting his feet in the whorls of the tree and finding handholds where there appeared to be none. He faltered once, when he realised he would have to bodily swing himself up to another branch but was spurred on by his friends cheering beneath him. In fact, he was so distracted that he almost didn't notice the trainer near his head. He grabbed it and waved it mockingly at the heads down below.

Sirius whooped and Peter clutched his heart, falling to the ground snickering.  
Remus whooped too, then yelled, "Be careful James! Don't kill yourself!"

James laughed. "Who me?" he called down, "Nah, I don't think so. I'm James Potter, remember? I'm going to live forever!"

* * *

Remus and James were sitting on a bench.

Sirius and Peter had gone home. It was just them, the air was quite cold and they sat as close as possible without looking they were snuggling.

They were chatting. Laughing. Being mates, Remus thought.

There was a silence. Remus felt the desire to tell James his secret. He hadn't ever told anyone before – well that was untrue, but he regretted telling that person everyday.

He opened his mouth, then closed it, sneaking a glance at James who was leaning back, his eyelids half closed as he relished the momentary warmth the harsh glare of the sun brought, just before the warmth was chased away by the air and left his face feeling full of tingles.

Remus leaned forward, then leaned back, then huffed out a breath. James nudged him gently.  
"You alright?"

He nodded, staring at the trees on the other side of the green.

He didn't mean to say it, in fact he didn't even remember his mouth opening.

"I've got Lupus."

James snapped his head to look at him, his brows screwing up in confusion.

"What?"

Remus nodded. "You heard of it? It's a disease. There's not a cure for it either."

James turned back around. "Oh."

Remus couldn't seem to stop himself. "I was diagnosed when I was five. I always had these rashes, see that never seemed to end. My joints would swell and I couldn't move for hours, I'd just lie there, or sleep for days." He laughed humourlessly. "Not many people get diagnosed when they're five. I had to go to hospitals all the time. All these doctors saying I was fragile, my mum treating me like glass – I've always felt like my dad is disappointed in me, y'know? He always wanted a son he could play footie with. You know what I mean – to talk about man stuff with."

James didn't know what to say, but Remus seemed content to speak, to speak more honestly than he had done in years.

"There are treatments sure, but treatment isn't forever. They've got side effects. It's better than it was, sure," he had been idly tracing a crescent on his hand, but now he gripped it tightly, the flesh turning white and pink from the force he was using, "I mean, twenty years ago and only fifteen percent of people diagnosed survived. It's way better." With that Remus dropped his head in his hands. When he re-emerged, he looked hopeless, as if he was far older than his years.  
"Not me though. I've got it bad. It affects my liver," he said, gesturing to the area. "Means I've had quite a few diseases, my immune system goes to shite. It affects my entire digestive system." Here he shook his head and sighed. "I'll be lucky to see forty."

Silence fell. Eventually, it was James's turn to speak.

"My mum's got cancer."

Remus finally looked at him. "What?!"

"Yeah. Found out last year – I was one of the reasons we had to move. Mum needed to get out of the city and I…." he swallowed, "I didn't act well when I found out. I became aggressive. Wasn't concentrating much on anything. I was angry all the time. Used to hide in my room, under my covers. I used to tell myself not to cry, that only weak men cried."

"James…" Remus had no idea what to say, so he trailed off, staring at the ground.

"I was wrong," he said forcefully, "I was so wrong. Not crying made me weaker. Illness might make you physically weaker, but it doesn't destroy you. You might be sick Remus, and my mum might be sick and I may be healthy – but the two of you are far stronger than me."

Remus was shocked – he had expected James to be horrified, to revile him like someone long ago had done.

James suddenly launched forward into an awkward one armed hug. "You, Remus Lupin, are possibly one of the bravest people I've ever met."

Remus gasped out a laugh, and let himself lean into James for a second, revelling in the newfound lightness his revelation had given him.

James broke away and ruffled his head.  
"We'll always be your friends, Remus. You've not scared us off yet."

* * *

Dorcas Meadowes was always being ignored. She was used to it – with friends like hers, who wouldn't ignore her?

Lily was beautiful, and she didn't know it. She was also incredibly intelligent and her spirit was strong. Her flaming red hair coincided with her temper, but she only ever strove to see people happy – even though Dorcas often suspected she was not.  
Marlene was confident, and she exuded sexiness all the time. She could rule the world if she wanted to, she could wrap anyone round her little finger. Instead she would do her best to stay off the radar and to hide from the spotlight. She wouldn't let anyone know it, but she was incredibly vulnerable,  
Mary was brilliant – her mind was agile and she spent so much time being the 'smart' one that people often forgot how funny she could be, how stunning she was when she smiled and how easily she navigated through life.  
Alice was the kindest. She would do anything to make someone feel better, she would be nice to everyone she met. She never judged people. Dorcas had always likened her to an angel. The curls, the sweet smile and angelic eyes. The innocence she portrayed.

So where did that leave Dorcas? She wasn't sporty, she wasn't clever, she wasn't kind and she wasn't pretty.

What did she have? Nothing, she thought. She was plain and unassuming. She had always thought nothing of consequence would happen to her – but now that it had, she wished it would all go away.

She had seen something – she hadn't thought anything of it at first, until she had woken up in the dead of night, a cold sweat on her and her breath coming in quick, fast pants.

Now it haunted her thoughts and was always niggling in the back of her mind. Her friends didn't notice anything different, she was acting like her normal, happy self.

If it wasn't for him, she didn't know what she'd do.

She didn't quite understand why he wanted her, but he did. He had chosen her and she had fallen for him completely.

He was standing at the end of the road, by the bus stop. She ran to meet him, launching herself into her arms and pressing her lips to his. The cold air turned warm and tingles ran up her spine as she relished in the feelings of his hands cupping her waist, pulling her to him, making her feel safe and wanted.

When they finally broke away, she leaned her head on his chest and huffed out a sigh of relief. "I convinced myself you wouldn't come. I was so sure."

He leaned his head down and dropped a kiss on her head.

"I'll always come for you, Dorcas."

* * *

The nurse held open the door for him and Sirius thanked her quietly. The hospital was very clean, and bright. She told him to keep heading towards the end of the hallway, he thanked her again and set off by himself.

When he reached the end of the row, he had to lean against the wall for a good few minutes, readying himself. He needed a smoke, but he couldn't risk getting kicked out now.

He glanced again at the name on the door, before gently pushing it open.

Mrs Bones was fast asleep on a chair in the corner. There were great, purple circles around her eyes and the skin around her mouth was grey with exhaustion. Her head lolled slightly; it didn't appear as if she would wake up anytime soon.

Sirius's attention was directed to the figure on the bed. There were masses of tubes coming out and his face was still damaged. They had tried to fix him up, but there was hardly anything left of the boy there had once been.

Sirius approached the bed cautiously, not wanting to disturb him. He quietly got the chair nearby, and sat down next to him.

His eyes were open, Sirius saw with a start. They weren't really seeing him, though. His mouth was moving oddly, like a twitch that couldn't be controlled. When his eyes did focus slightly on Sirius, he made a noise like a groan. There was drool coming from his open mouth and his eyes soon returned to flickering around randomly.  
Sirius cautiously took his hand, feeling it convulse slightly beneath his, his fingers sporadically moving and the muscles jumping up and down under his palm.

Sirius could feel tears forming. He tried to blink them back, but he couldn't stop himself. They strangled him, pouring down his face like it would never stop.  
He finally choked it out, what he had come to say.

"I'm so sorry, Eddie," he whispered, his shoulders shuddering with the sobs racking his frame.

Eddie began smiling at the wall, making another noise, before his face fell slack again.

By the time Mrs Bones woke up, Sirius was long gone.

* * *

"Good morning students!"

"Good morning Mr Dumbledore," the students chanted, their faces expressionless and several seeming fast asleep.

Lily kept sneaking glances at James, who was leaning back in his chair, legs spread and a picture of cockiness. His hair was purely messy – and oddly sexy. She was staring intently and when she realised he was looking back at her, she blushed hotly and tried to return to what the headmaster was saying.

"-due to the recent tragedy," Dumbledore was saying, "We will be holding a dance in a few weeks to raise money for the Bones family and Eddie Bones' newly required healthcare."

The hall dissolved into whispers and the student had to be shushed back into quiet.

"The dance," Dumbledore went on, "Will be held in the village hall. I have some people who I will be asking to help organise the event, but anyone who also wishes to help out should speak to Professor McGonagall." He smiled kindly and looked over his spectacles. "Now, everyone, have a good week!"

* * *

Lily had been waiting for an opportunity all morning – so when she saw Severus going into the empty Chemistry Lab, she followed him immediately, shutting the door.

He seemed surprised to see her, stuttering out her name as she shut the door behind her and looked at him with all her fury.

"What _the hell_ do you think you're playing at?"

Snape stared at her, before stammering out, "W-what do you mean?"

"You know. What the hell were you playing at with Potter?"

Snape turned red. "I – he – he's a prick, and he-"

"Yes. Yes he is. What makes you any better?"

Snape could say nothing, merely staring at his feet and muttering out, "I was trying to protect you."

Lily laughed, tangling her hands in her hair and shaking her head. "You. Protect me?"

He looked completely mortified and he quickly backed away as Lily pointed a finger at his face.

"James is harmless. He is also sweet and funny, and he's been a better friend than you've been to me." She clicked her fingers. "I told you before. Stay away from me Severus – I don't need any more of your 'help'. It's my life. Let me live it."

With that she walked out of the classroom. Snape put his head in his hands, wondering where he went so, so wrong.

* * *

"Marleeeeene!"

"Not now Sirius!"

Marlene whirled around and smiled coquettishly at the boy in front of her. "Haven't you got other people to torture?"

Sirius smirked. "Why would I, when you're so easy to torment?"

She laughed and jerked her head. "Walk with me then. What do you want?"

They walked outside and sat down on a bench. Marlene flicked her hair back and drew her coat further around her. Sirius quickly unwrapped his scarf and offered it to her. She gratefully accepted, wrapping the rich, dark fabric around her neck and relishing his warmth that still lingered there.

"So," Sirius said, breathing into his hands and rubbing them together, "the dance."

Marlene raised her brows. "What about it?"

Sirius glanced at her, then looked back at his hands. "Want to go? As friends?"

Marlene's heart jumped into her mouth. "Together?"

"Well – yeah."

"On a – on a date?!"

"No!" Sirius held up his hands, looking embarrassed, "No, just as friends. Promise."

Marlene was speechless. Sirius Black asking someone to a dance? It didn't matter if it was as friends or not – it was wildly out of character.

"Why?"

His brow creased. "What do you mean why?"

"Just that."

Sirius shook his head. "Well, I thought we could have a laugh. An opportunity to hang out in a group, but not look like the lonely stragglers on the sides."

Marlene laughed. "How do I know I won't get a better off?"

Sirius snorted, then leaned in conspiratorially. "I promise," he whispered, "If you get a better offer, you can dump me – as long as I get at least 48 hours' notice and proof that they're better than me."

Giggling, Marlene relented. "Fine!" She sprung forward and pecked his cheek, then freezing as she realised what she had done.

They both blushed and looked away, before laughing nervously. Sirius got up and ruffled her hair (much to her annoyance).

"See you round, Marls."

She waved goodbye, leaning back against the bench until she bolted upright and yelled at the retreating figure.

"You forgot your scarf!"

He turned around and winked at her.  
"Keep it," he called, "until you get your own."

With that he turned back around and kept walking.

Without her permission, butterflies started in Marlene's stomach.

* * *

Sirius had hoped to just sneak in and avoid his family until dinner – but fate was against him.

Narcissa was talking to his mother in the hallway as he entered, and both women stopped what they were doing and glared at him as he entered. Their eyes scanned him, looking for something to criticise. His mother got their first.

"Where's your scarf?" she snapped, eyes blazing.

He looked down as he spoke, moderating his tone. "I didn't take it today. I forgot it."

They both looked at him in disbelief, but once Narcissa tossed her hair over her shoulder and returned to their previous conversation, he was ignored.

"I think grey. It's so elegant – and so becoming in silk."

"I disagree darling, I still think black – I mean after all, it is in our name!"

"But Auntie! Just think! Lucius and the groomsmen in black, the bridesmaids in grey and me in white! It would look _so_ stylish."

Walburga nodded. "When you put it like that, darling."

Sirius edged forward, trying to squeeze past them both. "Excuse me."

"Hold on, Sirius." Walburga placed a firm hand on his shoulder, digging in her nails. "Narcissa has a request for you."

Narcissa fluttered her eyelashes at him, smiling wickedly. "Oh we were hoping, that is if you would be willing cousin, if you'd mind awfully being one of Lucius's groomsmen? He has no brothers, and whilst his friends are more than glad to step in, we would love this to be a _family_ affair."

Sirius's skin crawled at the concept, but before he could reply no, footsteps were heard and Orion appeared in the doorway to the drawing room. Cigar in hand. His snake eyes were narrowed on his son, daring him to say no.

Sirius shrank back from the puffs of smoke, before muttering out his reply. "Of course, Cissy. Whatever you want."

Walburga smiled and Narcissa clapped her hands together in malicious glee. "I shall remember you said that, cousin."

Sirius smiled weakly and pushed past them to his room. He nodded to Regulus as he passed his room (the door unusually open) and quickly made his way to his room.

He hurtled through the doorway and nearly crashed into Bellatrix.

"Bella?"

He noticed his bedsheets crumpled and the papers on his desk clearly disturbed. "What were you doing in my room?"

The darker sister – an opposite of her sibling in many ways – smiled mockingly at him.  
"Nothing."

He scowled, forcing his way past her into the room. "Don't you dare come in here again. I mean it."

"Of course," she purred, placing her hand on his arm before walking slowly out to the corridor.

Sirius had just let out a breath, when he suddenly heard her voice echo back.

"Tell McKinnon I say hello!"

His blood went cold as his brain tried to process what she had just said – then he collapsed on the bed, placing his head in his hands.

" _Fuck_ ," he whispered.

* * *

When Lily saw James in the shop, she initially tried to avoid him; she quickly realised this wasn't possible, and decided to just not look at him.

This proved harder than had thought.  
This was also partly due to the fact that James kept looking at her.

Every time he looked up, he had to readjust his glasses on his nose. He also subconsciously ruffled his hair. Lily couldn't help but think how adorable it was.

It occurred that they were standing in front of the tinned pears at the same time, whilst still trying (and failing) to ignore one another.

Finally, James cleared his throat.

"Hi."

Lily's eyes flickered to his. "Hey."

James nodded at the shelf. "You getting them too."

"Mm. Yes."

"Ah."

They passed a few seconds of awkward silence, until James whirled around and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry Lily! I am, really. I was being a prick and like the, well, like the me I used to be."

Lily was speechless.

James continued.

"You're all I've been able to think about. How we left things, what you… what you said and what _I_ said too. I can't handle it," he laughed humourlessly and messed up his hair again. "For some ungodly reason, you're always on my mind. Please, please forgive me. I don't think I could bear it if you didn't."

"James-"

"And I know I was awful to Snape, but I let my temper get the better of me – a stupid excuse, I know, but I-"

"James, I forgive you."

He looked at her in shock.

She smiled. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry too."

He held out his arms and she walked readily into them, nestling her head under his chin. They squeezed tight, before releasing and smiling awkwardly at each other. James looked around quickly, then placed his hand on her belly, questioning.  
She felt her smile drop and tears fill her eyes. "No," she breathed, shaking her head.

James swallowed, then tugged her back into another hug. Lily breathed hard into his jumper, taking comfort from this scent that was purely James.  
James looked around again and (upon seeing the shop practically deserted and that they were fairly hidden) tilted up her chin, gazing into her bright, green eyes to gauge her reaction, before lightly pressing his lips to hers.

It was soft and sweet. Their lips moved together gently and their tongues only brushed at the entrance to each other's mouths. Lily cupped her hands behind his neck, whilst he pulled her into him, looping his arms around her waist.

They could have easily continued like this – were it not for the bell suddenly ringing and someone coming bursting into the shop. "James! Is James Potter in here?"

He stuck his head out to see the gardener who tended their garden and lived by the green. He was staring at James sorrowfully.

"I'm sorry lad, you've got to come quickly. Your dad just called me, told me where you were. Your mother's been rushed to hospital."

Silence fell in the shop. The cashier looked white and Lily clutched his hand tightly. He looked down at her, his voice coming out hoarsely.

"Come with me," he whispered, "I need you."

Lily swallowed, looking at him with fear but also resolve.

"Of course."

* * *

 **A/N: And that marks the end of the longest chapter yet! Thank you once more to any new followers and to TrueHomiePiP – you are a wonderful reviewer and thank you for your kind words!**

 **Lot of stuff going on this chapter, sometimes it flowed quite smoothly, sometimes it seems quite clunky – I hope it's okay and that you all enjoy reading it. A lot of clichés in here, but what can you do? :)**

 **Do you like the Blackinnon and Frank and Alice's interactions? I wasn't initially going to include their relationships, but it seemed like a good fit for the story, but your opinions would be wonderful.**

 **As always, please review! Reviews are encouragement and help me write. Thank you all once again.**


	8. Thorns of Passion

**A/N: I'm so, so sorry it's so late! I hope anyone reading enjoys it and thank you for giving this story a chance. There is a slightly smutty scene near end of the chapter, nothing going past second base but if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip over it!**

 **Thorns of Passion**

Mr Rätsel was fidgeting. It was a sad, sad truth but a true one nonetheless. He fidgeted like a schoolboy who had been sent to the headmaster's office – which was partially true. After all, he was sitting in one.

Dumbledore was looking at him, one brow raised slightly and his half-moon glasses balanced on his crooked nose.

He had been asked in for a meeting that evening to discuss his investigation, but so far they had done nothing of the sort.

Dumbledore folded his fingers and finally spoke. "Your Head of Department is Bartemius Crouch, correct?"

Mr Rätsel swallowed. "Yes, Mr. Dumbledore."

"Mm. Good old Barty. Met him in a pub in the West Country when he was just starting. Nervous disposition but a good soul. Told me a wonderful joke about ocelots." Dumbledore leaned forward.  
"Now, Mr Rätsel, I would rather you didn't traumatise my students and – if needs be – I will not hesitate to complain to your department and have you replaced. With immediate effect."

Mr Rätsel nodded, making a quick apology once more.

Dumbledore glanced out the window, seeing something no one else was. "Our children are the future, Mr Rätsel."

Mr Rätsel nodded once more. "Yes, I suppose they are."

Dumbledore nodded also, still staring out the window, where it had started to rain. "If we don't protect them, what will we have?"

Mr Rätsel was now feeling rather uncomfortable – and rather confused, so he stood from his chair and bid the old headmaster good day. Dumbledore nodded and waved a hand, yet his gaze never strayed from the window.

* * *

James and Lily burst into the hospital, with him latched onto her arm and pulling her along behind him. She was slightly out of breath and they both seemed to be looking for someone.

"James!" his father sprinted towards him, his hair dishevelled and his normally crisp trousers and shirt were rumpled. To James's horror, he could see the buttons on his father's shirt were mismatched – Fleamont Potter, was not a man to look unkempt.

"How-how," James swallowed, "Is she okay? Can we see her?"

Mr Potter ran a hand through his hair (mirroring his son) and sighed deeply. "They want to monitor her for a while so she may be in hospital for some time, but she's okay and stable for now."

James didn't know what to do and was embarrassed to feel tears in his eyes. Mr Potter pulled his son into one of those quick, one-armed 'man' hugs and patted him on the back.

When they pulled apart, Mr Potter seemed confused to see Lily hovering behind them. "Erm, can I help you?"

"Oh, she's with me," James wrapped an arm around Lily and pulled her forward, "Dad, this is Lily Evans."

Mr Potter nodded, looking at her confusedly. "I see."

Lily smiled nervously and stuck out her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Mr Potter."

"Yes, and you, Miss Evans. A shame it had to be in such gloomy circumstances." Mr Potter seemed to be trying to communicate to his son through mime. His eyes kept darting from James, to Lily, then back to James where he would raise his brows, then back to Lily.

James rolled his eyes. "She's my friend, dad. She lives on the green. I – we – I bumped into her at the shop and we were chatting when I heard about…. Anyway, I asked her to come."

Lily was slowly getting redder, she could tell. She supposed it wasn't a total lie. They had been chatting too.

Mr Potter seemed to relax a little. "Well, Miss Evans," he smiled, "Thank you for taking care of my son. Come, we can see your mother tomorrow. She's sleeping now. We'll drop you home, Miss Evans."

Lily thanked him and they all trooped out to the car – with James stopping to peer through the window at his mother in a room, tubes attached to her and her pale eyelids fluttering. Lily noticed him stalling and she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. "It's okay," she whispered.

He nodded and they followed out. Lily sat in the back seat of the car whilst James sat in the front with his father. The journey was a quiet one. Mr Potter would occasionally adjust the volume on the radio, and would glance in the mirrors every so often. He didn't say much. He would never break down in front of James, Lily thought, but she could see the lines around his mouth, the purple bruises lingering under his eyes. Mr Potter was a strong man, and for strong people weakness was always the hardest thing to cope with.

James was brooding. He occasionally made to look at her, but then seemed to change his mind at the last minute each time. He was drawing lightning bolts in the window's condensation. The droplets eventually ran until the whole thing resembled a big, spiky heart.

The radio was playing a song she remembered from when she was younger – Frank Sinatra, _My Way_ , Lily thought. Rain has just started pattering against the window and the window she was leaning against gave her goosebumps. The light from the streets made everything glisten in the rain, and before she could stop herself, she was swept up in the music.

The lyrics wrapped around her, the music swelled and she could feel something inside of her chest expand and break as the voice got louder and the passion in the song and instruments burst forth, to fill the car.

" _I've loved, I've laughed and cried, I've had my fill, my share of losing,"_ Frank Sinatra crooned – and before Lily could stop herself, a tear trickled down her cheek. She wasn't sure what she was crying for, but she reckoned that it was maybe just a little of everything.

She turned away from the window and wiped her cheek, before seeing a pair of beautiful, hazel eyes staring at her in the rear-view mirror. She blushed, embarrassed, until James stretched his arm out awkwardly to hold her hand from the front seat. His palm was calloused and warm, the skin was strangely dry and soft at the same time. His hands were so much bigger than hers that they swallowed them up completely. She clutched it tightly, staring at him in the mirror. His eyes, she'd thought they were just one colour before – but there were flecks of green and blue mixed in there with the golden brown. They were mesmerising, and she thought she could stare at them forever. The tears still slipped from her eyes, but she barely noticed them.

Mr Potter glanced at the two of them, but said nothing, merely adjusting the volume on the radio once more.

When they reached the green, Mr Potter parked in a space and told James to walk Lily to her door. They rushed through the droplets quickly and paused at her door. James quickly checked to see if anyone was around, before pressing a quick kiss to Lily's lips, then to her cheeks where the tear-tracks were now disguised by rain.  
"I've missed that," he whispered.

Lily went up onto her tiptoes and kissed him again, more fully this time. This kiss was gentle, sweet. Their lips didn't fight, they danced. Their breath was one. Their hands cupped each other's faces.

Too soon it was over, and Lily went inside to flurried questions from her family. James put up his collar, and walked back through the rain to his father's car.

* * *

The next day dawned with promise. Alice was buzzing with excitement. She was even finding it easier to ignore the food in her stomach than normal.

When the knock on the door sounded, she rushed down to open it. Frank was standing there, looking just as excited as her.

"Hi," she breathed.

He grinned. "Hi."

She grabbed her coat and umbrella – it was still quite grey and drizzly out. She shut the door, pecked a kiss on Frank's cheek (whilst he blushed) and looped her arm through his.

"Where are we going?"

"Well," he blushed, "As you know there isn't much to do here." Alice chuckled and nodded.

"So," Frank went on, "We've already been to the teashop, we've all been to the pub a few thousand times… so…."

Alice nudged him. "What?"

He grinned. "I've got a surprise for you."

They walked towards the big field behind the school, where it bordered the woods. Alice knew Frank lived close by. She soon caught side of a large tarpaulin nestled in the trees. She looked at Frank dubiously when he led her towards it.

The tarpaulin was obviously supported by something, and when Frank lifted it up for her, she was amazed to see he had cleared a space for them, big enough for them both to sit upright, he'd cleared the space of any leaves and dirt and laid out lots of cushions and blankets on the ground. He's also put some kind of warm material around the sides of the tarpaulin, to make it cosy and in the corner, Alice spied a thermos and a picnic basket. He'd hung torches from the ceiling to make it light and seem warmer.

He was looking at her nervously. "What do you think?"

"It's… it's…"

His face drained of colour. "Sorry! I just thought I'd be original, but we can go straight back to the tea-"

Alice shut him up with a kiss. "It's perfect you dafty."

Frank looked like he was going to faint. Instead, he recovered and gave the slightly shivering Alice a mug of tea and cuddled up as close as he could to her.

They drank a lot of tea, nibbled on Cadbury's Chocolate, crunched through the apples Frank had brought and ate soft baps with strong cheese and salted butter.

All the time, they talked. They talked of love and loss, of histories and futures and of dreams and memories.

It was while they sat under that tarpaulin, that Alice realised she was falling for Frank Longbottom.

* * *

Sirius was barely breathing. His arms were stretched out and his muscles taut with the exertion of standing still for so long.

He was being measured for a suit. The suit. The suit for that farce of a wedding – why his parents were letting Narcissa get married before she even completed school, Sirius had no idea.

His mother was watching him beadily. Regulus sat in the corner, tugging at his collar nervously.

The old man in front of him pricked him for the thousandth time with his pins. He did his best not to flinch, trying to breathe evenly.

"You'll look so handsome, Sirius," his mother cooed.

"Please may I be excused now?" he said through clenched teeth.

"One moment, young man," the man breathed in a voice like paper.

The feeling of the pin came again at his wrist, and he looked down in surprise to see a small line of blood trickle down his arm. It ran its course quickly, clotting soon. One drop, however escaped. It fell through his fingers to the carpet beneath him. It was quickly absorbed into the black rug and disappeared without anyone noticing.

There was a dark irony to it, Sirius thought. If he wasn't careful, he'd be just like that drop of blood. If he went too far, the darkness could consume him. To survive in his family, you had to be good at playing the game – the only problem was that the game had no rules and no judged. And if you weren't told what the game was beforehand?  
You were a dead man walking.

* * *

A week later, and Dorcas was in her element. She was organising the dance and was bossing around everybody.

"Benjy! Where are you going with those chairs?"

"I don't-"

"Right, because you weren't _listening_. On the other side please."

She was right in the middle of trying to help decide on the records appropriate for the dance when Lily sidled up to her.

"Lily! I thought you were doing food?"

"I am," she whispered, "But… do you have a spare tampon?"

Dorcas nodded, her brows furrowing. "Yeah, but didn't you have yours already?"

Lily grimaced. "Really recently, but I'm bleeding again already. I don't know, maybe stress has knocked my cycle out?"

Dorcas made a noise of agreement. "Mm, that's happened to me before. Anyway! Here you go," she passed her one from her bag quickly and Lily stuck it in her back pocket before anyone could see. She reached out to give Dorcas a quick hug but suddenly yelped and clutched her stomach. Dorcas clutched her arm. "Are you okay, lovely?"

Lily nodded, smiling awkwardly. "Yeah, yeah. It's just cramps."

With that, Lily waddled off, still holding her belly and Dorcas resumed ordering people about.

She loved organising – and this dance was going to be a memorable one if it killed her. She had the perfect outfit for it and she couldn't wait until she got to tell them all her news.

* * *

"Marly! Marlene, wait!"

"If you want to catch up with me, Mr Black, you will have to actually exercise for once."

Sirius finally caught up to her, panting slightly and with his normally perfect hair completely askew.

"Mmm," he gasped, "M-m, oh fuck it, you know I'm talking to you. That was cruel. You know I don't run."

She tipped her head back and smiled dazzlingly. "Obviously, you do! I should tell Ms Hooch. Maybe there's a team you can join."

He gave her a look, then continued. "Marlene, I don't think I can go to the dance with you."

The smile vanished. "Oh. Why not?"

He fidgeted, looking like an oversized child in his dad's jacket. "Just… things."

"Things."

"Yes. Things."

"Like what?"

"Thingy-things"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Anyway, I can't come. I'm sorry."

Marlene shook her head, looking pissed. "Nuh-uh. Unless you give me a concrete excuse, we're still going together." She paused for a second, before hurriedly adding, "As _friends_ , of course."

"Of course," he muttered, "But I can't. I'm sorry."

She reached out and tipped up his chin. She forced him to look at her properly, raising a (recently plucked) brow, and looking pissed off. "Is it them?"

"I-"

"Is. It. Them? Your cousins, Narcissa's fiancé, your parents? Is it them?"

"No, it's…" he trailed off, looking into the air for excuses. He was normally good at bullshitting. This was an incredibly bad day.

Marlene scoffed. "I don't believe it! It is!" she kicked Sirius in the knee and he yelled out and fell over. She bent over threateningly. "Well you listen to me, Sirius Black. I don't give a shit about your family. What are they going to do? Send me a strongly-worded letter? You, you _idiot_ (she nudged him with her toe again, this time with a slightly teasing glint in her eye), you are my friend and I am going to this fucking dance with you, alright?"

Sirius looked at her in awe, then began to laugh. She helped him up, muttering 'Big Baby' under her breath. Once he was up he scooped her up into his arms and cradled her against his chest.

"You are something else, Marlene Mckinnon," he said and she laughed. Then he muttered into her shoulder, quiet enough that she would never hear.

"I'm going to keep you safe, Marly. I won't fail this time."

* * *

Remus was being followed. It was an odd sensation. The person doing it was not being subtle about it either. In fact, she was practically holding up a neon sign. He thought about walking faster, but then decided he was far too tired. He'd spent a few days in bed and was still recuperating. Eventually he just leaned against the wall and let her catch up to him.

When she finally reached him he smiled and said, "Did you want me?"

Mary laughed. "Ah, yes. I thought you might have noticed me. I wanted to ask if you want to go to the dance."

Remus felt his jaw fall open slightly. "You-you don't mince words, do you?"

Mary shrugged, smiling toothily. "Don't see the point, personally."

"Right. Well, to be perfectly honest, I'd bloody love to."

Mary's smile got impossibly wider and she grabbed Remus in a huge hug. "Yes! I was so worried about being by myself! Thank you, Remus. You're a fab mate."

He hugged her back, noticing she smelt subtly of citrus and a very faint smell of cigarette smoke.

"Any time," he said, muffled, into her shoulder, "I was worried about going alone too."

Mary stepped back and ruffled his hair. "There you go," she laughed, "Now you look just like Potter."

Remus smiled sheepishly and walked her to her corner, then said goodbye. As he walked home, his shoulders suddenly felt lighter.

* * *

Lily felt – and looked – awful. She was bleeding nonstop and couldn't focus on a thing. Her stomach ached and she felt bloated. Her mind kept wandering back to James. She had agreed to visit his mum with him today, then (after explaining the whole affair to her parents the week before), he was to stay on her sofa overnight, so that Mr Potter could stay with his wife. Mrs Potter was doing less well again, so had been put under sedation and Mr Potter wanted to stay with her. Mrs Evans had been thrilled by the idea. Mr Evans less so.

When she finally saw the car pull up outside the village hall, she rushed to say goodbye to Dorcas, planting a kiss on her friend's cheek, before Dorcas flapped her arms at her distractedly and went on screeching about 'correct fairy light placement'.

Lily scooted towards the car, easing into the back seat, saying a polite hello to Mr Potter, then turning wide eyes to James. His eyes twinkled back at her and she realised with relief that he didn't seem to regret last week – she had almost been sure he would.

"Hey," he said hoarsely.

"Hi." Her voice was far meeker than she had expected.

Mr Potter just started the engine, and drove off.

The drive to the hospital wasn't a long one, but it seemed to take far longer than the one before. After another downpour the night before, the entire world seemed made anew, as it often did after heavy rain. There were still patches of damp, but the majority had seeped away.

The radio was a comfort in the quiet car. Mr Potter didn't appear to be the most talkative of men and James, in great contrast to when he was around his friends, seemed content to sit in silence too.

When they arrived at the large building, Lily felt a sense of trepidation. It was one of the largest buildings around and had been converted from an old workhouse, as many hospitals are. She saw the practicality of the move, but it did give the place a melancholy feel. This building had seen much suffering.

They walked in, stopping to talk to the desk, before being led to Mrs Potter. She was still in her bed, her hair in disarray and tubes coming out of her arms. There was a mask on her face, but her eyes occasionally fluttered open.

When they walked into the room, her eyes opened and she seemed very relieved to see her family. She didn't seem to notice Lily at first, but she didn't seem any more perturbed by her presence.

Mr Potter leant down to kiss her forehead and James clutched her hand tightly.

Lily sat down on his other side. "He-hello, Mrs Potter. I'm Lily. I'm-I'm a friend of James. I've brought you a few things? There's, erm," she began pulling out the things her mother had instructed her to take. There was a rather realistic plastic flower (the hospital didn't allow real ones), some hand cream, some soap, a cardigan her mother had knitted for no reason and seemed perfect now, and a hairbrush.

"Mrs Potter, if you can hear me, I'm going to brush your hair." She made forward determinedly, adding self-consciously, "I hope you don't mind…"

She leant over the bed, not putting her weight on the blankets or pillows and began to gently tug through the tangles in Mrs Potter's hair. She worked through the knots, brushing it all neatly and smoothing it down. She patted down the fly away hairs and eased every snarl.

James watched her throughout. He seemed fascinated and noticed his mother's lips curving slightly as her hair was brushed.

* * *

They stayed there for an hour, making idle chitchat and telling Mrs Potter what had happened. They weren't aware if she heard much, but their voices seemed to calm her.

Mr Potter then drove Lily and James home, commenting, "They won't keep her under sedation for long. It's only temporary."

Mrs Evans welcomed James with a hug, which seemed to surprise him and she revealed she had cooked a big shepherd's pie for them, and a pudding for later. The meal was not as awkward as Lily had thought and she was even more surprised with how taken Petunia was with their handsome guest.

Lily then made James a nest on the old sofa, cushions and blankets aplenty. His lanky frame still managed to hang off it.

"Are you going to be alright on here?" she whispered.

James nodded, but his face betrayed his uncertainty.

The Evans family then all said goodnight, and trudged upstairs, leaving their guest to the chilly downstairs.

As soon as Lily's head touched the pillow, she realised she wasn't going to sleep. She did her best, but she tossed and turned for hours. She wasn't sure why. Her cramps were no better. They may have been worse, even. Her dad was snoring a few rooms away and there was a dripping from outside.

Eventually, she gave up and went downstairs to get something to drink. She edged over the creaky stair, hopped lightly onto the old rug and crept into the kitchen. She had forgotten James on the sofa, so the sleepy voice behind her that said "Lily?" very nearly made her scream.

She whirled around, seeing James sitting up on the sofa, rubbing his eyes and scrabbling for his glasses. She crept over and handed them to him. "Sorry," she whispered, "Couldn't sleep."

He smiled crookedly. "Me neither." Then he hastily added, "But not because of the sofa. The sofa is really comfy. Honest."

Lily smiled, before switching on one of the dim lights so that they were bathed in half-light. "Want a hot water and lemon?"

James wrinkled his nose, but nodded anyway.

Lily quickly put the kettle on, retrieving a lemon from the fridge and getting a couple of slices off. She took the kettle off the hob just before it boiled, so as to not wake anyone else up. She made the drinks quickly and settled neatly onto the sofa next to James, handing him his mug and easing under the blankets. James flinched slightly when her cold feet touched his leg.

"You actually drink this? Just hot water and lemon?"

"Only when I can't sleep."

They drank their drinks slowly, sip by sip, savouring the warmth in the chilly air. Lily began to look at James appraisingly. "Didn't really peg you for a pyjamas type of guy."

James looked down at his grey t-shirt (which fit his chest remarkably well, Lily thought) and flannel trousers. "I'm not normally, but I didn't think your dad would appreciate my lion boxers."

Lily snorted. She then nudged him slightly. "Are you okay?"

He glanced at her, then back down at his drink. "I think so. Or I will be." He then sipped his drink, before saying. "This is nicer than I thought."

"Us talking?"

"The drink."

"Oh."

They sat in silence, until James lifted up the blanket, holding out his arm for Lily to snuggle into him. She quickly edged over to him and relaxed into his arms. They drank their water before the heat was all gone. Lily was enjoying the heat from his chest. It made her feel like she was glowing.

She became aware that his lips were closer to her neck than before, his breath blowing gently on her shoulders and making her shiver. She turned to look at him, before leaning in to nuzzle his nose and press her lips to his.

He kissed her back, with need and desire, but also tenderly and with a kind of raw emotion that made her kiss him even harder. He broke away and began feathering kisses down her jaw and down her neck. He pressed one in the space under her jawbone, in the hollow of her collarbone, the gap between her breasts. Her breath got shorter and she began tugging at his top, forcing him to break the kisses to ease off his top. He dived in for another kiss, their tongues duelling as she pressed her hands to his stomach, running them up and down and over his shoulders. In return, he tugged off her camisole and exposed her chest. Her nipples quickly pebbled against the cold air and poked into his hands, where he cradled them gently, running his thumbs lightly over her teats. She gasped at the sensation and kissed him harder, slowly edging her hands towards his waist.

She paused, to gauge his reaction, before slipping her hands into his trousers and gently stroked his length. He grunted deep into her mouth and stooped to kiss her nipple. She gasped and stroked the growing erection more, before leaning up so he had more access to her chest. As she did, she felt a severe pain shoot through her abdomen and quickly pulled away, clutching her tummy.

"Lils?" James panted, "Are you okay?"

Lily nodded, before looking round and realising she was half-naked, with a boy, in her sitting room.

What the fuck was she thinking?

She quickly grabbed her camisole. "Sorry," she whispered, "my parents are upstairs and these are thin walls. Oh, and I've got, um, cramps too."

James nodded, looking a little embarrassed, but he simply pecked a kiss on her forehead. "Of course, love."

The endearment made her want to squeal. She leaned into his chest for a few minutes, before kissing him gently on the lips and extricating herself reluctantly from the mess of blankets. "I'll see you in the morning," she said, clearing away the mugs.

James pulled his top back on and nestled back into his pillows.

Lily snuck over and tugged off his glasses before he broke them. She placed them neatly on the table in front of them. "Goodnight," she whispered.

She was halfway up the stairs when she heard him grunt "Goodnight, love."

She couldn't help but smile.

* * *

 **A/N: Whoopsie daisy lovely readers! Well, it's been a month! Or two… I have excuses, but you're probably bored of those and instead, I'll just say sorry** **.**

 **This chapter has had one of my favourite scenes in it yet – the song 'My Way' is an oldie, which has become quite cheesy and clichéd but for some reason (to me anyway) just fit here. It's very nostalgic and in vulnerable moments, a song can very easily carry away your emotions.  
As always, thank you, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Or if not, I hope you tolerated it! Please, please review! They're wonderful to get (most of the time anyway) and make me do embarrassing dances of joy. **

**TrueHomiePiP: You're an absolutely gorgeous reviewer and must be a lovely person too. Your reviews always cheer me up greatly and are** _ **so**_ **thoughtfully done. I really hope you're still enjoying this story and continue to enjoy it as goes on. Thank you, thank you!**

 **Brody: Poor Sirius! Fair enough though, he's being a little bit shifty at the moment, but all will be revealed…. I love Remus with a passion and JK Rowling was far too harsh on him (I'm still bitter over Teddy). Hope you're enjoying the story and thank you for your review!**

 **awkwardsou: Thank you for reading this odd little story and for your kind words** **. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will review again!**

 **I'm hoping to get one or (ideally) two more chapters out before Christmas, but this time of year is always a bit manic. Thank you all again and have a fabulous week!**


	9. Goodbye to the Sunshine

**A/N: Hellooo, I hope everyone had a lovely break and are ready for the New Year. This chapter is later than I wanted, but I had a severe case of writer's block** **. A reminder that this story is rated M for a reason, there may be some scenes in this that readers find upsetting, so proceed with caution! Hope you all enjoy xx**

 **Goodbye to the Sunshine**

"James, _please_ comb your hair!"

"It's fine mum! No one cares."

"I care! I care very much! What will people say?"

"That-" Euphemia Potter gave her son a terrifying look from the hospital bed and he immediately quieted down.

He had just stopped by to see her before he was driven to the village hall, where the dance was being held. She had looked approvingly at his (apparently semi-formal, but who knew?) suit and straightened up his tie for him (he would most likely lose it by the end of the night anyway). His hair was characteristically messy and his glasses were polished to a shine. She was looking very disappointedly at the scruffy trainers on his feet, but he claimed his toe hurt and he couldn't wear smart shoes.

"You're incorrigible, James Potter," she sighed. She was much better and would soon be discharged. She was sitting up and talking, and had even met Lily a few times.

Overall: James couldn't have been happier. He winked at her, then kissed her cheek and hurried out. "Bye Mum!"

* * *

Dorcas twirled in front of the mirror again. "Hair up, or down?"

"You look beautiful whatever, Dor."

She pouted. "Mary, at least try and answer!"

Sighing, Marlene glanced up from her makeup case and squinted at Dorcas. "Up. It's more distinguished."

Dorcas set about creating an elaborate up-do, admiring the pretty yellow fabric of her dress. It was a very pale yellow and it suited her well, making her seem golden. In fact, Dorcas was practically glowing anyway – though from excitement or just happiness, the girls weren't sure.

Mary had gone for blue. She liked blue. Her dress was simple, but she liked it.

Alice was gorgeous in pink taffeta. She had let Dorcas do her makeup and her usual curls were ironed out. She glimpsed herself in the mirror and actually smiled.

All the other girls had dresses that came down to their calves (as was expected for a school dance). Marlene had decided against that, and was wearing a black halter-neck that showed more than an appropriate amount of cleavage and stopped – scandalously – just above the knee.

Lily was wearing green. The dress suited her beautifully and accentuated her figure nicely. She had tucked her hair into a high bun, letting soft waves fall down around her face, and she had worn light makeup. She now leant against the mirror in the bathroom, watching her friends flitter about. There was a worrying amount of glitter around, she thought. There was probably some on her, but so far she was unaware of it. She wasn't looking forward to this. Her belly ached and the thought of tottering around in heels made her feel sick. Her earrings felt uncomfortable and the pins in her head already hurt. She sighed as Dorcas came towards her with glitter. Momentarily, she thought about escape, but decided surrender would be easier in the end.

* * *

James had been standing with Sirius for around ten minutes. They were sharing a cigarette and hopping from foot to foot in the chilly night. Sirius had not dressed up – much. He had on smart trousers, a nice shirt and his boots and leather jacket. James supposed he needed it. Where else would he put his ciggies?

"Alright?" Remus walked up slowly, favouring his good leg. "It's bloody cold out here."

Sirius nodded, then offered the cigarette. Remus refused politely and James gave him a quick smile of sympathy. Sirius's eyes flickered between the two of them curiously.

"Hello!" came a cheery voice, as Peter scurried up to them, wearing a… bowtie?

"Peter," James said, bemused, "You look smashing, mate."

Sirius nodded. "Mm. Not many men could pull it off Peter, but you might just be managing."

Peter beamed and then settled into the group, having a couple of puffs of the cigarette and nearly choking each time.

Frank turned up too, looking very cold. He cracked a joke and huddled into the odd circle the boys had made, taking the cigarette for a puff, and then declaring himself done.

Five more minutes passed and they heard the clipping of heels. The five girls rounded the corner, laughing. Dorcas sprang up to the doors and unlocked them quickly, practically skipping with excitement. Marlene slung her arm round Sirius and ruffled his hair. He scowled at her and she pretended not to notice, instead nabbing the cigarette and taking a good long draw, before passing it to Mary. Mary wrinkled her nose.

"No thanks," she said, "God knows how many people have used that by now. It's unhygienic!"

The boys blushed.

Mary looped arms with Remus, plopping a kiss on his cheek before pulling him inside. "Come on Lupin, it's far too cold out here."

The rest of the filed in, Frank giving Alice a quick peck (she blushed) and Peter trailing behind the respective couples.

James sidled over to Lily. He was fairly gobsmacked – her dress was nothing like the tight, red one she had worn to the Prewett party, but he thought she had never looked so beautiful.

"Hello," he whispered.

Lily smiled. "Hello."

James then grabbed her round her waist, hoisted her up and kissed her thoroughly. She snuck her arms around his neck and gripped on tightly, enjoying being the taller party for once. James slowly slid her to the ground and she broke the kiss, wincing slightly and massaging her belly.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. He knew about her…. _Women's troubles_ , but how long did those last? It had been over a week, surely?

She smiled tightly. "I'm fine. Let's go in."

The village hall had been transformed (somewhat). There were lots of fairy lights and food that had been cooked by lots of mothers across the community. A trestle table had been set up and was loaded with all of these dishes and lots of drinks. Teachers were already present, patrolling the perimeters. They gave in their tickets and walked onto the large open space of the hall, cleared for dancing. There was a corner filled with records, with a flustered looking Father Wick trying to sort through the piles. Chairs were all around, for people to collapse on and to top it all off, there was even a disco ball. Streamers had been added and a few balloons. Dorcas had flung confetti where she could and was currently dancing with the rest of the people who had arrived.

Sirius was spiking the punch, when Slughorn caught him. "You know that isn't allowed, Sirius," he whispered, wagging his finger. Then he looked around and muttered, "Here, do it whilst I'm shielding you." Sirius smiled and poured the rest of the liquor into the bowl.

Other people began to filter in, and before long the dance was in full swing. Lily found herself enjoying it. She was able to forget about her pains a little bit, instead she danced wildly, and laughing as Queen played loudly through the halls. "Don't stop me now!" James mouthed as he did a rather terrible air guitar. Everyone was sweating and moving and letting go. There were rarely slow songs – and if there were, then oftentimes people began singing along to the words.

When "Summer Nights" came on, they had to cover their ears from all the screaming. Lily was tugged into her friends, who were all avid Grease friends and she could see James laughing at her, from where she was trapped amid their terrible Olivia Newton-John impersonations.

The entire group finally melded together to belt out the lyrics – with considerable force – to Gloria Gaynor. " _At first I was afraid! I was petrified!"_ they screeched out, near dead for laughing.

Eventually, the teachers seemed to think the students needed to cool down a little. They then started to play slow songs.

James had gotten Lily something to drink and naively, she downed it without thinking and nearly choked on the amount of whisky Sirius had poured in it.

James smirked and held out his hand. "Shall we?"

They got up and began to slow dance amongst the other couples. Frank and Alice were rocking back and forth gently. Sirius and Marlene were giggling and twirling each other around. Remus politely stood a respectful few inches away from Mary as they swayed. James merely pulled Lily closer and began to sway gently with the music. She tucked her head into his chest and sighed happily.

"I love this song," she whispered.

"Yeah?" James licked his lips, glancing up for a second, as if he would see an answer on the ceiling. "What is it?"

"It's Billy Joel. 'She's Always a Woman'. It's just... so raw? Do y'know? You can tell he's really feeling it. Something about it just takes my breath away slightly."

James tilted her chin up slightly and kissed her gently on the lips. "You're weird. You know that?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I know."

They stared at each other for a bit, oblivious to the rest of the world.

They were so oblivious, that they didn't notice Marlene excuse herself.

They didn't notice Bellatrix follow Marlene.

They didn't realise until too late.

* * *

Peter felt bored.

And pissed.

But mostly bored.

His pissed-ness was twofold: he was pissed in the sense that he had soused himself in the highly alcoholic punch. He was also pissed that everyone had a date but him.

Peter was sitting by himself, just _watching_ them all. They got him up for the big group dances, but now they were all just swaying and giving each other lovey eyes.

Peter hated it.

He could feel resentment bubbling up inside him, a dark liquid that oozed from some part of him that was not often shown. His blue eyes, that people normally seemed to regard as 'soft', hardened. They were two ice chips in his face, his mouth set in a grimace and his eyebrows drawn together in contemplation. His mousy hair framed his face, throwing it into shadows a little and his thin, thin fingers clasped together as he rested his pointed chin on his hands.

In that pose of thought and with shadows creeping up his face, illuminating his bones and making him appear gaunt, the small, quiet boy began to look different. There seemed a sinister cast to his features and several people regarded him warily.

Peter didn't notice. He stared at the ground, barely blinking. Slowly, his lips curved into a smile.

* * *

Sirius found Peter in that pose not long after. He regarded his friend warily for a minute, then he shook his shoulder gently. "Have you seen Marly?"

The hardness in Peter's eyes melted slightly and he looked up at Sirius, surprised. "Sorry?"

Sirius shook his head. "Never mind, mate."

She had said she was going to the toilet. She had not come back from the toilet. He spied Lily and James and went over to ask them.

"Have you two seen Marly?"

They broke from their little world to look at him.

"Marly?" Lily looked confused. "Last I saw her, she was with you."

He shook his head. "She left around twenty minutes ago to go to the toilets. She hasn't come back and I was getting worried."

Lily nodded. "I'll help you look, she might just be having a fag in the loos."

She stepped away from James, then stumbled slightly, clutching her abdomen. Her red lips were pulled back in a grimace and she batted away the boys trying to help her.

"I'm fine," she winced, "It's nothing."

The trio went off to look. They had barely exited the hall, when Dorcas emitted a high pitched squeal and went running to the doors. Only a few people looked up from their own hazy thoughts, so she was able to greet her visitor without much fuss.

"You came," she whispered into his ear, after throwing her arms round his neck and squeezing him tightly.

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead – unbeknownst to her, scanning the room at the same time. "Of course I came."

She took his hand, dragging him to the corner where her friends were. She glanced round and saw Mary and Remus dancing, and Alice and Frank cuddling. Where were the other two couples?

She saw Peter sitting in the corner. Dragging the man with her, she made her way over to him.

"Peter? Where has everyone gone?"

He looked at her absentmindedly, gesturing aimlessly towards the rest of the hall. "They went to look for Marlene."

Dorcas didn't quite understand what he was talking about, but decided it didn't matter. She gestured for the others to gather round. They congregated, looking curiously at the tall man at her side.

"Everyone," she was practically vibrating, beaming from ear to ear, "I would like you to meet my boyfriend. This is Barty."

Barty leaned forward, a rakish smile on his face. "Pleasure to meet you all. Barty Crouch Junior."

* * *

Lily came out of the bathroom, shaking her head. "No sign of her."

Sirius scowled, then paused suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear wha-" suddenly it came again, Marlene's distinctive voice raised in what sounded like anger.

They rushed through some corridors, before rounding a corridor and seeing Marlene pinned up against a wall by Bellatrix, surrounded by Mulciber, Snape and Avery.

Marlene and Bellatrix were both shouting profanities, with Marlene trying to aim her stiletto heels at Bellatrix's knee and Bellatrix gripping her neck on one side. It looked very painful, with her digging in her long nails. It wasn't long before Sirius ran into the mix and pulled Bellatrix forcefully off of Marlene.

She screeched, and he threw her back towards her cronies. "You crazy bitch," he spat, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Bellatrix nearly hissed in anger. "Teaching this _slag_ her place! I warned you, cousin. We are Blacks, we are better than their _filth_."

Sirius shook his head. For the first time he felt genuinely afraid of her. "You're mad," he breathed, "You are fucking insane. Do you hear yourself?"

There were suddenly more voices and Mary and Remus rounded the corner, laughing. "We were sent to find…"

Their voices died away. They looked wide eyed at the dishevelled Marlene, leaning heavily against the wall, James who was hovering by Sirius – to restrain or assist him, he wasn't sure. Then, their eyes were inevitably drawn to the cousins standing in the gap between the groups.

Black versus Black. They were an intimidating sight, even in the dusty, blue corridor. Both were undeniably attractive. They shared the dark, good looks that so much of the Black family had. There was a regal air to their features, the product of a life being told they were superior. Bellatrix had always seemed deranged, a dark queen, her long dark curls flying around her and her teeth bared. The dark, swishing material of her dress only emphasised the picture. She burned with madness and revelled in cruelty.

For the first time, James saw the Black family in Sirius. He had always burned too – it was an intensity that made him so irresistible to those who met him. It was normally translated into passion, into energy. Now it fuelled a dark fire, and as Sirius threw back his head and laughed at his cousin, provoking her, his eyes seemed to show pure insanity.

"Come on then!" he laughed, "Do what you've always wanted to do, Bella. I'm the traitor after all!"

Bellatrix laughed too, then. "You think you're so above me, that you're _untouchable_ , Sirius Black. I know better, I know what you've done." She smiled at him, her perfect white teeth gleaming, "We are not as different as you would like."

Marlene finally spoke. "What is she talking about, Sirius?"

He merely raised his hand and pointed at his cousin shakily. "Shut up."

"Go on!" Bellatrix crowed, "Tell them the truth! Tell them what you saw!"

He had gone grey. Suddenly Bellatrix surged forward and hit him square in the face. He barely flinched, he had gotten far worse before. Suddenly, Avery moved forward, as if to also hit Sirius and James found himself socking him in the nose. Avery went down, swearing up a storm, before an all-out brawl broke out. James started to take on Avery and Mulciber with Sirius, Marlene launched herself at Bellatrix, slapping and scratching and punching all she could get at. Remus and Mary clutched each other, horrified, before rushing to try and pull everyone apart. Snape hung back, but got in a few punches at James.

Lily started crying. She couldn't help it. She yelled at them all to stop but they wouldn't listen. She was slumped against the wall, her head was spinning and she felt like she was going to be sick. She suddenly felt a sharp pain from deep inside her, then looked down to see blood trickling all the way down her legs, pooling on the floor. She touched it, shaking. It painted her hand in ruby shades and she started to sob hysterically. She had no idea what was happening.

James suddenly glanced around, stopping in horror as he saw Lily covered in blood, sobbing. He slammed Mulciber against a wall where he slumped, winded. Then he skidded over to Lily, cradling her in his arms.

"I'm here, it's okay." He chanted over and over.

"What's happening," she sobbed, "what's happening?"

The rest of the hallway had grown quiet and they were looking at them in horror. Marlene hurried over to them, feeling Lily's face and stroking her hair. "Get her out of here James."

Bellatrix and her friends had run, spooked by the blood. Sirius had gore trickling from his nose and a purple bruise blooming on his high cheekbones. He said nothing, merely clenching his hands and staring at Lily.

Mary had her hands over her mouth, Remus looked ill.

James took off his jacket and draped it round her, before telling Marlene to get a teacher. She tossed her dark hair over her shoulder, and began running to find someone. Her heels made loud noises against the otherwise silent corridor. Marlene's dark makeup was smudged all over her face. She was crying, but she was unsure why.

As soon as she entered the hall, Dorcas leapt on her. "Marly! Where have you – Marly what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Lily," she gasped out, "I need a teacher, Lily needs help."

Soon they were rushing through the hallways, McGonagall on their heels. When she saw Lily, crouched on the ground and covered in the blood, McGonagall shrieked in horror. "Call her parents. Call them now!"

Mary and Marlene ended up running to the public call box, scrambling for change and arguing over Lily's number. Eventually they made the call.

"Hello? Mrs Evans? Mrs Evans you need to come, something's happened to Lily…"

* * *

Lily felt numb. Completely and utterly numb. She was sitting in the stark hospital room, James's jacket wrapped around her and the flowing, green material of her dress was spread around her. She had taken down her hair, removed her earrings. Her shoes were somewhere in her parent's car.

Her mother had her arms wrapped around her. She was crying, Lily thought, but she continued to smooth Lily's hair down and press kisses to her forehead.

Her father wouldn't even look at her. He stared out at the hospital carpark. His back was straighter than she had ever seen it and his mouth had near disappeared, he was clenching his teeth so much.

The doctor was talking to her. She couldn't really concentrate on what he was saying.

 _Very common,_ he was saying. _Over half of women experience this_. Was that meant to make her feel better?

 _Before the five week mark,_ he was prattling on, she wished he would just shut up. _Bleeding will continue for a few days. You will see some...clotting. There may be some pain, but it is nothing to worry about._

Lily shut her eyes, wishing it would all go away. _Miscarriages are never pleasant things, Miss Evans, but you will recover and go on to have children, much later in life._ The doctor put a clammy hand on her arm. He was smiling at her. How dare he smile? _Perhaps, in view of the circumstances, this is for the best?_

With that the doctor left the room. She could feel tears slipping down her face but all she could do was stare at the ground. As the door closed, she heard his voice suddenly. They were all out there, she realised. Waiting to hear. What would people say about her?

She looked up at her mother suddenly. "C-could I see him? Please?"

Mrs Evans looked at Mr Evans, who turned around for the first time in what seemed like hours. He was seething. "You think, we will _ever_ , let you see that boy again?"

"But-" Mrs Evans stammered out, but Mr Evans cut her off.

"No, Jane. This is our daughter that he defiled. He turned her into a-a-a," he gesticulated wildly. "A slut!"

Lily felt like she had been shot. How could her own father be talking about her like this? The man who taught her to ride a bike, who would bounce her on his knee and read her fairy tales?

Jane Evans walked over to her husband and clasped his hands. "Just give them a few minutes," she breathed, "You cannot deny them that."

Mr Evans breathed heavily, the stubble on his jaw giving him an air of unguardedness that he normally lacked. Finally he held up his hand. "You get ten minutes," he growled at Lily who shuddered away from him, "Then we go home."

He stormed out of the room, Mrs Evans following him and suddenly James was there, his arms wrapping around her thin shoulders, one hand wrapped in her hair, the other clutching her own.

"I'm so sorry, Lily." He whispered.

Lily clutched at his shirt. "They're going to make me stay away from you."

He stroked her hair. "I won't leave you."

Lily laughed without humour, pulling away from him to look in those beautiful, beautiful eyes. She mused that his eyes were what she fell in love with first. They held such emotion in them, they changed colours near-imperceptibly from day to day and whenever James tried to guard his emotions, his eyes always showed her exactly what he was feeling-

She stopped herself then. She went back – surely she hadn't meant – but she _did_ , she realised with a jolt. She loved James Potter. All his quirks and all his faults. She hadn't even known him for long, but she really did love him.

She traced the line of his cheek, brushing away tears that had fallen there.

"I lost our baby." She said huskily.

"We weren't ready to be parents, love. It wasn't your fault."

Lily put her hands around his face, looking at him fully. There was blood smudged on his face, from where she had touched his cheek earlier. A small part of her brain began thinking about how there was still blood under her nails, that she was disgusting and broken and ruined – but she quieted it.  
Instead she looked James Potter in the eyes, placed a small, but gentle kiss on his lips, and whispered, "I love you."

He blinked at her in shock, lips parting, before he leaned forward and kissed her, hard. It wasn't a kiss of desire, but it was full of meaning and unsaid words, of minutes they had lost and would lose, of promises and possibilities and of laughter and tears.

Suddenly, the door opened and Lily was being dragged away, her father gripping her by the arm as James reached out to her in vain. She flung her back to look at him, and just before the door closed, he found his voice.

"Lily, lily, I love you too!" he yelled.

Then she was gone and he was left alone in the sterile room, with Lily's blood on his cheek and a heart full of heavy words.

* * *

Sirius watched Lily be dragged out of the hospital. She was sobbing and seemed to barely see the people sat in front of her, her friends who were waiting to see if she was okay.

He looked back and saw James merely staring into space. His face was hollow and there was something dark smudged on his cheek.

That was when Sirius made up his mind. He knew what he had to do.

He ignored his friends calling after him, instead he strode out of the hospital, his long legs taking him far away before they could catch him.

He walked and walked through the bitter night. Frost was already forming and he could see his breath in great white clouds in front of him. It seemed disturbing in the otherwise dark night.

At some point he acquired a cigarette. He didn't remember lighting it, but he was grateful for the little thing to occupy his mind.

Somehow he found himself outside the office, where he had known the old man would be.

Dumbledore looked up through his half-moon spectacles.

"Sirius," he said pleasantly, looking surprised, "This is a surprise."

Sirius was breathing hard.

"I need to tell you something, Professor," he said, his voice sounding strained. "I've not told anyone else, but I need to now. It's gotten out of hand, you see."

Dumbledore's smile faded and he gestured to the chair in front of him.

"I suspected this might happen," he sighed, "Though I was not expecting it to be you. Very well, my boy. You'd best start at the beginning."

The young man and the old one sat in the quiet office, as snow began to fall outside.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review/follow if you can, it would mean the world to me.**

 **TrueHomiePiP: Bless you for your reviews, they are so kind. I agree, there hardly ever seems to be much talk about periods! It's something that should be normalised – but unfortunately, this time, it wasn't just a period :(** **. Hope you enjoyed and keep reading!**

 **J a friend: Absolutely, bloody thank you. Your review made my day when I got it! I hope you liked this chapter and keep reading.**

 **Happy New Year in advance everyone :) xxx**


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